.hug.

So basically every time I leave camp, I am on a "camp high" and I stay there for a couple days. I am completely content with that. It just makes me SOO thankful that God has put a place that means a lot to me in my life. I can't even imagine how differently my life would look right now without the experiences and friendships I have made since May. I could honestly blog for hours about how I've seen God work through me in the lives of others since the past summer, but I will refrain since I'm sick-ly and I need to get some sleep soon. Regardless, I was just thinking about how sometimes God works in the smallest little moments in our lives, but those impact us the most. On Saturday night I gave a "sunset cruise" to the parents on the beloved pontoon called Skidmark. The parents seemed to enjoy it, and we saw the resident bald eagles of camp while we were on the lake, so that was awesome. Sunday morning when we were packing up everyone, a mom of a camper came over and found me packing up another camper's stuff. I turned around and she just gave me a big hug (and I just LOVE hugs!!!) and thanked me for the pontoon ride and for helping take care of her son for the weekend. I was SERIOUSLY surprised that this random lady appreciated the work that I had done that much. It was especially meaningful because this camper is one that has a reputation for being very "challenging" for staff. It was such a perfect way to say goodbye to that camper and his family. Having moments like that make every stress/chaotic moment of my job well worth it. And I only have The Creator to thank for placing such wonderful people in my life and for the experiences I've been blessed to have in the last year.
I thought I would end this post with lyrics from Rob Thomas' "Little Wonders":

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

.end.

Once again, I apologize for the repeated posts about new endings/beginnings, but the idea of change has been consistently on my heart and mind the last few weeks/months. I suppose it has really hit me again these last few days. Friday was my last day of fieldwork which was sad! I loved my fieldwork supervisor and I LOVED working with pediatric clients. I'm definitely going to miss the whole enthusiastic/friendly/happy atmosphere of the clinic. Then I arrived at camp on Friday night and one of the program specialists was talking about how this was the last retreat of the 09-10 off-season, which lead us all to the realization that it would be the retreat we worked where it would be only the 2009 Staff. Then I realized that when I go to BW next, I won't be with all of my close friends...it will be a whole new sea of faces, which honestly scares me. I have made such AWESOME friends in the last 10 months at camp and I can't imagine changing things from how I know them to be. And then this morning, saying bye to our campers was REALLY hard. I know we were only together ~40 hours, but our cabin REALLY bonded over such a short time, which I found to be surprising. I was switched to work in the boy's cabin at the last minute because the boy's cabin was MUCH more difficult than the girl's cabin this weekend. I was anticipating the weekend because I knew that we had some campers who are infamous for being "difficult". But it was an AWESOME weekend. Spending time with those guys opened my eyes to how AWESOME they all are, despite the fact that they are a little more difficult to care for.

Back to the point of this post, why do we dislike change? Maybe it's just me, but I feel like there are a lot of negative connotations associated with change. Honestly, for me, I think I dislike change because of fear of the future. I am a schedule-oriented person and I always like to know what's coming next. Unfortunately, that's not how life rolls...but it would be SO much more convenient if I knew what was coming next!! If I already knew where I'd be doing my long-term fieldworks, if I already knew I'd meet a new great set of friends this summer, if I knew that I'd still love being an OT after one great fieldwork placement. That is where faith comes in. Faith doesn't apply only to "spiritual" matters, rather it should be consuming my EVERY worry/concern/stress. Hahaha...it sounds so easy when I put it like that, but yet SO difficult to apply to life. Basically, I have fallen in love with Hebrews this year, so here's some more wise words from The Word:

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. -Hebrews 11:!

.rmanova.

Another week down. 1 day of fieldwork, 16 days of classes, a ridiculous large number of presentation/projects/papers and 7 finals are separating me from summer. Although I haven't seen any tears at school in a couple weeks, I think this was the week when people started losing it. I have never seen a group of 17 people be SOOO out of it for 6 straight hours. One person wrote on my facebook wall which then started a long conversation on the wall post, and then the girl behind me starts emailing me telling me to stop facebooking, or she's going to turn me in (which of course was clearly sarcastic). All this was happening while we were SUPPOSED to be learning RMANOVA...which we all clearly failed at (side note: epic fail on my group's part since this is what we're using for our thesis project...oops!) . And then we got to biomechanics and arms were flailing, there was excessive singing/screaming, and there was lots of giggling and speaking Spanglish. Our professor was taken aback when she walked in because normally by Thursday afternoon we are all completely dead. Not this week. We've all passed that point and we're into some sort of laughing/crazy delirium. So yes, I love OT school, I really do, but it's slowly eating away at all of us.
The point I am making with this point is that these weeks of mass chaos are really bonding us and I LOVE to see that. This adversity that we face can really only be understood by each other; I could complain and explain every assignment I have to do between now and April 29, but no one really knows what all this means, except my classmates. We are all SUCH incredibly different people, but we are going through the same trials/problems everyday and that's where such cool friendships are thriving. Its been incredible to be a part of this program and to grow close to people who share the same passions as I do.
Here is the kicker: As much as I love bonding (and venting/complaining) with classmates, what would it look like if I clung to God during all of this adversity? No, not in place of my classmates, because they are great, but what if I clung to Him tighter than anything else. How often do we turn to someone/something because it will give us the instant gratification that we want/"need"? Is that what we REALLY need? He cares about our stresses/problems even more than the people in our lives. It's just so much easier to turn to my friends because they are here, tangible, willing to listen, and usually willing to tell me what I want to hear. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE OT, but what if every time I complained about this-and-that, I turned to Him. Turning to Him would reveal all of that comfort AND MORE. The satisfaction that never ends....something that even the world's best OT student could never provide ;)After an amazing talk at The Dwelling tonight, I have decided to turn these next 5 weeks over to Him. Although it's so easy to turn to classmates, I want to turn to Him first. He knows the future and my trust in Him is what will get me through this temporary time of craziness.

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
-Something Beautiful, by Needtobreathe
Oh, something beautiful

.princess consuela bananahammock.

So it has been my roommate's goal to get me to watch all 10 seasons of Friends in the last 12 months. Yesterday we made it through the final two disks and I'm DONE! I absolutely love Phoebe's character, hence the awkward name for this post (if you have never seen Friends, I'm sure the title makes no sense to you). So yes, that's exciting and all to have seen every episode, but we were both in tears through the last one. I know, I know it's just a TV show and normally movies/TV don't really make me cry, but this was just sad. The last scene shows the cast standing in an empty apartment and all leaving their keys to the apartment on the counter. That basically just asks for tears. After watching this episode, we realized that we'd be doing the same thing as our beloved character friends in a matter of weeks. We'll be moving out of the glorious 2711 Lane and going our own ways...with our fair share of tears. My roommate will be getting married and I'll be moving with our other roommate into a new townhouse with two other girls. It will be the first time in my roommate and I's entire friendship that we'll be living in the same city, more than a 10 second walk from each other. I am incredibly thankful for what has become of the "random roommate assignment" in 2006, and quite frankly, without my roommate in my life, God would have had to make some other way to hold me down to Indianapolis, because I didn't want to stay here.
I suppose this post it rather pointless other than the fact that graduation-y sort of things are really starting to hit me. Yes, May 1 is a day we've been counting down to for FOREVER but it's really almost here. I suppose I will just end this post with a quote from the great C. S. Lewis.....

"There are better things ahead than any we leave behind."

.concert.

Okay...here comes the THIRD post in a row regarding music. Craziness. Tonight I went to a camp friend's senior composition recital. It was AWESOME! He had played me some of his piano and vocal music at camp over the summer, but hearing his music in a concert hall with wind ensembles/pianists/all sorts of people playing his own music. Basically, it blew my mind that I know someone who can write super awesome music. I love that God can make others' talents show in so many unique ways. And on top of that, spending time with two of my favorite camp guys just made me excited for May to get back to camp!!

.music.

So I have realized that this is the second post in a row that I'm writing about music. Well I feel that writing about music is a must right now, because my life is a little more complete. I saw Francesca Battistelli in concert tonight and it was fantastico! She was part of the Rock and Worship Road Tour, which was super awesome....minus the slightly bizarre Family Force 5. Can't say I'm a huge fan. Regardless, seeing MercyMe, Fee, Francesca, and David Crowder with wonderful people was well worth it. Despite all of the amazing music tonight, one thing stuck out more than anything. It was seeing one of my campers, who just happened to be sitting in the same section! He uses a power chair and requires a constant oxygen supply...but that kid can totally rock out to David Crowder. Seriously, seeing him head bang with the music was great, such an awesome awesome expression of worship. It made me super happy. :)
Also, tonight just made me more thankful that God has a plan for all of us. I LOVE concerts but there is no way that everyone could ever be that talented at music. I LOVE that God has created some people with such amazing talents that I could sit and listen to them sing all day. Really. Despite 8 years of piano lessons and 7 years of band, I have concluded that I am not really all that musical. I would never ever have the desire to continue playing/performing music....although I do enjoy the occasional rock-out session on the piano when I'm in Findlay. Although this post seems super random (and honestly, it is!) realizing that I'm not exactly a musical person has been important to me today. We had to pick new class electives for fall semester and I had mine down to two choices: a class about injuries common to hand-overuse in musicians and a class about AAC (Augmentative and Adaptive Communication). I basically just wanted to take the music class because the teacher is easy and I like music. However, something inside of me wanted to take the AAC class. So I did. Tonight confirmed that I honestly think that not being in a music-type class will be WAY more exciting for me than if I sat through it for 12 weeks. Music is NOT my thing, but I am so thankful that it is a God-given gift that so many other people can put to good use.

.radio.

I must start this post with a statement that I really like listening to Christian radio, however it seems like the two stations I always listen to are only capable of playing the same few dozen songs. Some of those songs drive me crazy these days, but there is the occasional one that just really sticks with me. This is the story of one of them.
So I had heard this song many times before and thought it was pretty nifty, and it was from a new band, so I thought that was cool too. But, God's timing is perfect and the song "Let the Waters Rise" by Mikeschair could NOT have been played at a better time. I just came off a week of Spring Break (which was much needed); I got a lot of stuff done once I got to my parent's house, but not nearly enough. The big kicker is that we have a neuroscience midterm on Thursday and last year only 1 person (of 50ish) passed it. So today (the last night of SB 2010) I spent in the classroom with 25+ classmates and our "beloved" (please note the sarcasm) professor for 2 hours reviewing for this test. Joy. After this review session, I was pretty frustrated and was about to have a panic attack after realizing I have to much to do. I was driving to the grocery (having food is a necessity!) and this song started playing on the radio. I was trying to collect my thoughts in the car and then I started focusing on the lyrics. This song is essentially the anthem of my heart. This semester has been challenging in all sorts of ways and this song just REALLY captures what I'm going through now and what so many people have gone through before. I just love love love that God can use so many ways (the Word, other people, lyrics/music, experiences) to remind that He never leaves our side. Here are the lyrics in case you haven't heard this song before...and if that is the case, you should go check it out on youtube or something :)

Let The Waters Rise, by Mikeschair

Don't know where to begin
It's like my world's caving in
And I tried but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here

Sometimes it's so hard to pray
You feel so far away
I am willing to go where You want me to
God I trust You

[Chorus]
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If you want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

[Chorus]

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding on to You

God your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

Good good stuff. Someday, when I get a free moment to run to the store, I will probably buy this CD...and listen to this song over and over again. :)

.dresses.

Let me start off with this: I think that spending very little time in my hometown, realizing that I'm weeks away from graduating with my bachelor's degree, and seeing all the changes going on around me is making me a reflective person. Being in my 20's is a time full of changes and I suppose this is the time to step it up and live life to the fullest....
So I'm laying here in my bed, staring at two dresses hanging from my closet. One is for my roommate's wedding in 10 weeks and the other is one I bought today for my undergraduate graduation on May 1 from UIndy. Quite frankly, I never thought I'd need either of these dresses. Three and a half years ago, I hated living in Indiana/being away from my family and my roommate and I had JUST become friends after living together for over a semester (gotta love the random roommate placements!). Even in the times between 2006 and 2010, I thought things would change ON MY TIME. ha. My roommate and I have had our fair share of annoyances/arguments, but she is one of my best friends with everything we've been through! I honestly wanted to go back to school in Ohio where I knew people because I hated being out of my comfort zone in Indianapolis.
Thank goodness those are things of the past. Being so close to graduation has made me realize how many ways my life has changed throughout college. There's the option of dwelling on all the negatives: some lost relationships with HS friends, some lost relationships with college friends, experiencing heartbreak, feeling lonely, and becoming more disconnected from things in Ohio. OR there is the realization that Indianapolis has changed my life in so many ways FOR GOOD: a newfound love and yearning to grow deeper with Him, doing life with other strong Christian women, camp!, and learning to be independent. The Creator has seen me through so much only in the last four years and all the changes that came with it...and I have no doubts that He has great plans for me for the next four years and beyond! Even when more people have come and gone in my life, stages of life have changed, and the NBCOTs have been passed (hopefully!), there is one thing that will NEVER EVER change. Him. That is the thought that has gotten me through so much in the last four years and will continue to help me persevere through whatever things come my way. I suppose I will just throw in some super awesome lyrics to conclude this post, because I can't even imagine how many times this song has been my prayer.....an excerpt from Chris Tomlin's Everlasting God:

"You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary"

.lights.

One of my friends has started his own website. It's a mixture of his thoughts applied to his faith and things he's been going through lately (similar to this, but his posts make him sound like a genius!) One thing that he wrote earlier this week has really stuck out with me. Although he is writing his blog to appeal to a population with a wide array of religious faiths, his blog posts have really been challenging me to think about the way I am living my life and how it reflects His will for my life. My friend wrote: "People around us should be able to determine we are striving for something bigger by the way we live every day. People should not have to be convinced that we are a loving individual.There should be evidence in our lives."
How powerful is that thought! When I read that line, I think I sat for a good ten minutes at the computer, JUST at those lines alone. Does what I do on a daily basis truly reflect the attitude of love? How do my actions represent my faith? I suppose I could say that those people who know me best (friends, roommates, family) would be most likely to say that my actions show my faith and love for others. BUT the real kicker is what I think people who DON'T know me well...what would they say? It's easy for me to love my family, friends, and Bible study girls....but what about the cashier at Walmart, the waiter at Enzo's, and that professor whose class you REALLY can't stand?!? Don't they deserve some lovin' too?! That is where I fall short. It's so easy for me to love those who already love me for the way I am, but are those people who don't know me seeing the same passion for people that I have with my closest friends?
So what kind of light am I being? Ideally, I think we'd all like to believe that we're like lights in a lighthouse....always doing their jobs, always on, and always leading people in the right direction. I know if I tried to describe my love and actions like that 24/7, I'd be lying. Could I be more similar to a Christmas tree light; always on when "the time is right" and appreciated because of other things I'm associated with? Sometimes I feel like I'm a flashlight...the lone reflection of Him in a vast room of darkness. Definitely a thought worth pondering because I know that I have yet to live a single day constantly being a strong light for Him, without fading.

I thank God for placing the sort of people in my life that challenge me in all sorts of ways to make me aware of how I am shining His light wherever I go.

.labels.

I suppose that this post stems from a reading assignment for class which means I was being productive AND reading for my classes which created this thought in my head, hence the post. I am still really caught up in the wonderfulness of my weekend at BW. It was seriously just loads of fun and the more I think about it, the more I realize how eye-opening it has been to become part of this "BW family".

This post stems from reading an article from the American Journal of OT from 1980. We were reading research about adults with ID (intellectual disability) but in this article, the author kept referring to the people as "mentally retarded adults". I was seriously getting mad at this article and I can't IMAGINE how people EVER thought it would be okay to label people like that, despite the fact that the article was written 30 years ago. Hmph. Not okay, especially after I had just come off of an awesome weekend. To outsiders, I'm sure almost all of our campers are stereotyped and judged because of the fact that they use a wheelchair or they don't speak fluently or they are unable to take care of themselves independently. Knowing that labels have been put on my camper friends is frustrating. It's unfortunate how our society gets so caught up making judgments based on the way someone looks or someone's abilities.

On the way home from camp I heard the song, 'Something to Say' by Matthew West. SO true. It only takes a few seconds to sit down with a camper before you realize that despite what they might look like, these adults are ready to ask you all about yourself and have a full conversation with you. Granted, some conversations are quite slow, but really to quote the song, "if you're living, if you're breathing, you've got something to say". I suppose its just really been on my heart recently after a conversation with one of my camper roommates today via Facebook stalker chat. After she asked me if I missed her yet (complete sarcasm, of course) and she started asking me about how I was feeling and if my back was okay after the weekend (side note: we all did a bazillion transfers over the weekend and basically we were all pretty sore by the time Sunday morning came). How could someone overlook a person who is so capable of caring, loving, talking, and joking?! Honestly, unless you knew who was on the other end of the Facebook chat, you would have had NO clue to the fact that the person has a disability.

I am ultimately thankful to the Creator once again for placing such a wonderful place in my life. I can't even begin to describe how I have been changed by the people I've met in the last 9 months. More so, I thank Him for giving me eyes for allowing me to love people the way He designed them. I suppose that it is blatantly obvious that I have a passion for working with individuals with disabilities and I think that is all I have to say about this post.