.slaves' room.

I love that every time I go to camp, I learn something new...not just interesting medical procedures, but more about LOVE (and how much I generally fail at loving everyone!) God used two people to teach me more about love in 40 hours than I could have imagined. First was a young adult with severe cognitive delays and sensory needs...basically he just needs someone to walk around behind him with his walker 24/7. He walks and walks and walks and that's it. There's no expecting this guy to do an activity or socialize with others. He also has a reputation at camp as being a difficult and hitting most staff when they work with him for the first time....AND THEN I got asked to work on my first "duty" with him...which somehow turned into 2 1/2 hours of walking circles around the first floor of this mansion house (where we were staying) with him. It's just AMAZING to me how important non-verbal communication is and how sensitive people can be to the sense of touch. During my 2 1/2 hours, the guy stomped his feet a few times (meaning that he was happy), reached out to hold my hand a couple times, and only hit my arm 5 times (pretty good since he greets a lot of staff with a smack to the face!). SO cool to get to spend that time with him.
THEN the weekend progresses with my roommate. We were sleeping in "the slaves' room" in the mansion, so it was an itty bitty 2-bed room in the attic. It was just myself sleeping in a room and caring for a 43 year old woman with cerebral palsy. Her CP has left her speech nearly impossible to understand (at first) and hardly any motion at her joints, other than her shoulder, hips, and elbows. Needless to say, it was an extremely loooooooong first night as I was trying to figure out how she likes to get ready for bed/understand her speech/not lie awake alllllll night because I was SO scared she'd call out to me in the night and I'd be passed out in my bed. But luckily, I slept extreeeeeeeemely light so I heard her every time she tried to say my name (and also every time she snored and ground her teeth...hahaha). But the weekend continued and I found out how hilarious she was and I got to be really good at understanding her speech. Just a cool lesson that He continues to show me through campers about how to PATIENTLY love others, even when it's getting on my nerves. <3

.good.

God is so good. Today was a VERY difficult day at work (very very emotionally draining...I don't think I'm meant to work in end-of-life care!) but I can't thank him enough for so many ways that he has blessed me. I got a confirmation phone call from a lady who works at the same hospital where I will doing my Level II Fieldwork and she agreed to house me! She lives in a 2 BR, 2 bath condo by herself, and she is offering me a pretty reasonable price to live in her fully furnished spare bedroom...not to mention that she is a sweet connection to the hospital!! :) I talked on the phone with her and we seemed pretty compatible as far as interests, cleanliness, and fun personalities! :) On top of that, one of my mom's college friends has offered to open up her home to me whenever I want to eat a homecooked dinner with her and her family. AND she has an 11 year old son with special needs who she has offered to let me borrow as a "guinea pig" for anything that I would like try on him/to hang out with him. Then, I just signed on Facebook (which has gotten exceptionally creepier with the new look) to see that one of my campers from 2009 "tagged me in one of his activities" (whatever that means). BUT regardless, he put that he added "swimming with me (and several other staff)" to his favorite activities!!! :) To top it all off, I had a 4.0 GPA this semester. I couldn't feel more blessed right now!

.khakis and polos.

I can't believe that in 7 days I'll be home for what will probably be my last Christmas break EVER. When I look at it like this, it makes me want to go for my doctorate...buuuuuuut not that badly ;) I have 5 days left of fieldwork, for which I could not be more thankful. It's definitely been a rough couple of weeks there and I'm ready to be done....mainly I'm ready to be done wearing a combination of the two pairs of khakis and three dark colored polos that I own. I haven't realized how much I really love sweats until I'm forced to rock the khaki/polo look 8+ hours per day for 3 weeks. I'm starting to pack for home for a MUCH needed break and for CAMP this weekend. I'm PUMPED for the Christmas reunion for our adults...I haven't seen any of the adults campers since May, which feels like FOREVER ago! Luckily I will be able to re-connect with a bunch of friends after work each night, so I'm hoping that will make fieldwork a little more bearable. Here's the big 3 things I'm most recently thankful for:
1. Good health. It breaks my heart to see what some of my clients are going through and I can't imagine being in their position.
2. Tide to Go pens. I know this might sound ridiculous, but I spill things all the time. Since I have discovered this wonderful little pen, I think I have saved several items of clothing from various food stains. :)
3. Getting to go "home" to camp soon for the holidays!! It's just such a beautiful place and I can't wait to get there and see all sorts of wonderful people! :)

.diciembre.

OH SNAP. how is it diciembre already?! (<--Part of my Christmas break plans include whippin' out some more Spanish to prep for Medical Spanish in the spring!) Well I supposed I am an epic failure about this blogging schtuff. Oops? I mean, I'm gonna go ahead and blame in on being a 2nd year grad student...I feel like that is a legit excuse. I suppose that school kept me over the top, ridiculously busy for the last month. Those last 3 weeks of classes involved turning in 4-5 major assignments per week, as opposed to the normal 0-1 that we had all semester. It was not fun, however, I survived, and kicked it in the butt (just found out today that I have a 4.0 for the semester!) As soon as finals were over I got to head straight home (after an epic double birthday celebration...dating someone with the same birthday is a lil' strange!) for an AWESOME Thanksgiving break. It was just so so good. It made me realize how much I REALLY REALLY have to be thankful for (<-- sorry to end that in a prepositional phrase). Since Thanksgiving break, I've been back in Indy doing clinicals at a hospital. God is DEFINITELY challenging me to love on these clients and my "co-workers". This is no easy task, and these clients are EXTREMELY difficult for me to love on, but God has clearly placed me here for a reason, even though I am unsure of what it is. I guess I am enjoying them, in the respect that I'm NOT in the classroom 8 hours/day anymore AND my homework load is very light...aka I get to see people on weeknights to hang out! :)
Even though I'm semi-miserable at clinicals, God never fails to show His power in my life. Last week my mom FREEEEEEAKED out on me because I haven't started thinking about where I was going to live when I move to Columbus in 3 months. Well, God is a cool guy. I sent one message to the hospital's Facebook page, and sure enough someone who works at the hospital offered to house me for 3 months in her fully-furnished condo. I'm still waiting to talk everything through with her, but WHAT A BLESSING!!!!!!! :)
I suppose I will list my 3 blessings since the last time I've blogged...or at least just 3 good things I can remember from the last month ;)
1. Thanksgiving Day. I've never been close with my extended family, but boy was this the BEST Thanksgiving ever. My family celebrated with close family friends for the entire day (into Black Friday until 8:00 AM) and it was RIDICULOUSLY fun. I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long while :)
2. The BF- I hate to sound cheesy/awkward/mushy-gushy or anything like that, but God has truly blessed me by putting him in my life. Don't know how I would have made it through the last 6 months without ripping my hair out if he wasn't in the picture...
3. Christmas trees- my family picked ours out the last time I was home and it was just LOVELY. They just smell so good and just everything about Christmas makes me happy :) :)

.3 and 3.

Ok. I can do this. Or that's what I'm going to tell myself....honestly, I am VERY VERY VERY stressed and on the verge of sickness, so I'm just going to go ahead and lay out 3 prayer requests and 3 of my daily happy things in order to write at least more than like 2 blog posts for November...
Praises:
1. My grades are actually pretty close to where I'd like them to be.
2. The student I assist on campus told me that he thinks I'm a wonderful person.
3. Carrot Cake ice cream by Ben and Jerry's.....tangible proof that God loves us.

Requests:
1. Competency: I have to write two 8+ page papers this weekend for a competency next week with a REAL adult with REAL disabilities. I am scared....to death. Not to mention all of the planning that comes next week to write goals/plans for them...ugh.
2. Finals- I need to kick butt on some finals and I KNOW that I will be dead after competency week...so I'm praying for some sudden burst of energy from somewhere...not to mention I'll spend my 23rd birthday (and the boy's 24th birthday) cramming for the ergonomics and biomechanics finals....
3. Friend- My favoritest research group member (who had also recently started to come to church/Bible study) has been out of school for a week. She is having some really severe mental health issues, and right now we don't know if she'll be able to finish the semester (aka graduate with our class). Prayers prayers prayers for her....even thinking about the details of the situation makes me want to cry. :(

On that note, the next time I probably blog I will be: done with classes for the semester AND 23! :)

.paper chain.

Well, week 10 is coming to a close. CRAZINESS. But, I am glad to report that week 10 was hands down THE BEST week I've had this semester :) So I was some sort of homework-doin' maniac on Saturday and it made me have a fabulous week. I got way ahead on a handful of projects and this week has just been AMAZING! And I am so thankful for that....I suppose one could say I am thoroughly enjoying the calm before the storm :)
1. Monday I had the opportunity to "do life" with my 6 closest friends from school. We had a soup and hangout night where we made THE LONGEST paper chain I've made to date...and that's saying something since I love paper chain making. As of 11/1/10, we had 361 days until graduation. Needless to say, that paper chain took up all of my friends dining room and living room. :)
2. Last night I had the joy of spending time with my research group. A year ago, we were 6 randomly selected girls sent to work with our program director on an unknown research project. Now we are a close group of friends (although we have our FAIR SHARE of fights/arguments) with a potentially super cool thesis project....we'll see how cool it is in another couple weeks once we analyze our data!
3. Tonight I had a great day (minus the 3 hour lecture to start off my day). I got to play with some 'thermal modalities' in one class (including paraffin wax...amazing). Then we went on a field trip to play with adaptive communication devices....again, way fun. I just got home from church tonight and I am just SO thankful for so many wonderful people in my life. It was just refreshing to see so many good friends all in one place at one time :)

.employable.

God's timing is perfect. I can not see it or understand it, but somehow, it's just perfect. I must keep reminding myself of that with the ridiculous amount of things happening in the next three weeks and the next 361 days. In three weeks I will be done with the semester....just 20 days to finish an INCREDIBLE amount of projects/papers/online forums and a handful of tests. Crazier, is that I only have 361 days until I am EMPLOYABLE. I don't know if that is a word, but in 361 days, I will have a legit degree and can start practicing with a temp license. HOLY COW. Somehow, I'm going to get through this all....regardless, here's my three highs:

1. I just got home from a game night/dinner party with my 6 closest OT friends. We have somehow made this ridiculously awesome group of girls this semester and I LOVE IT. I would probably be failing this semester without them. Basically, I'm going to be one sad girl when we all spread out (literally...Ohio, Illinois, Indiana, Minnesota, and Texas) for fieldwork....eeek! However, it was a much needed break from the craziness known as this week.
2. I got a letter from my HS best friend today. It wouldn't be such a big deal, but timing and her living several time zones away has kept us from chatting on the phone for MONTHS and hearing about each other's lives. Literally. It sucks. I almost started crying today when I got her letter...it was SO uplifting and JUST what I needed to hear.
3. I share a birthday with this new fellow in my life....some would refer to him as my boyfriend (which is in fact true) but I prefer to call him "Hey You" or something like that. KIDDING. But really, we share the same birthday...it happens to fall RIGHT in the middle of his exam block II for school and right before my finals for the semester. Sooo.....oh happy day, we will not be getting to hang out on our birthday, HOWEVER, we keep talking about doing something amazing to celebrate tests being over. More on the celebrations later....I'm sure it will be epic. :)

.swift.

I wish everyone could understand camp. That is my conclusion. It is probably the ONLY place in the world where no college/graduate students are judged for belting out HSM (High School Musical), Taylor Swift, or Justin Bieber alllll the time. And not only that, but it's through our ridiculousness that we become such good friends. Regardless, I took a break from life and went to camp on Saturday, which was AAAAAAMAZING. I got to see some good friends for the first time since July and LOTS of amazing campers. 5 of my 9 girls (including one of my all time favorites) from the 2 week session of camp were there, so it was AWESOME to see them again...and they all had AMAZING costumes. We spent the whole day playing in the leaves, making caramel apples, decorating our spooky cabin, and carving pumpkins. SO fun. So, in attempt to look at the positive things in life and not dwell on the fact that I could break down at any given moment due to stress, here's the top 3 good things that happened over the weekend. :)
1. Listening to 'You Belong To Me', by the one and only T. Swift with my favorite camper of all time. Everytime this song played during camp (which was probably twice a day for two full weeks.....) she would always come find me and we'd dance and sing to it. Well it started playing and she hunted me down from the other side of the cafeteria and said that we had to dance to OUR SONG. So precious...I about lost it.
2. Four of the campers in my cabin over the weekend play on the same wheelchair basketball team. They got to "break in" the brand new sports pavilion with some intense basketball skills and some sit volleyball. Seriously, those girls would beat the crap out of me in basketball anyday.
3. Being able to escape real life and spend 13 hours in "the woods". This is one of my favorite places in the world and being able to spend time here with such amazing people was fantastic. It made me realize that there is SO much more to being a good OT than just knowing facts from the book....it's about being able to work with people who have different abilities and make the best out of what we've got. <3

.10-20.

I know that could quite possibly be the lamest title of a post ever, please forgive me. This is going to be quite short and postings from me are going to be minimal over the next few days/weeks (side note: 4 weeks, 5 days until classes are over for the semester). Continuing on, school is going to be ridiculous over the next 4 weeks. I can't even count the projects/competencies/tests/data analyses without seriously having a panic attack. Regardless, in the midst of it all, God is still proving himself to be mightier than all this ridiculous earthly stress stuff, and that He is the one bringing me through all of this. So, here's my top 3 of the day:
1. I FINALLY got the home address of one of my fave campers who passed away last month. I've been waiting for it to write to his family and tell them what a positive impact their son had on me (and our whole cabin) during the last two summers.
2. I got an email from one of my favorite adult campers. He was asking me if I was going to be working at the retreat in November, which I am sadly not, however, I told him he'd better come in December when I'm there! I love that this guy (hmm.....probably like 70 years old?) sends me emails. He has a some major difficulty with fine motor skills, but his email mostly made sense and it made me happy to know that he was thinking of me! :)
3. Homemade treats. I'm still enjoying pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, pumpkin seeds, and honey chex mix I made while I was home!

.heart.

We hear it everywhere..."home is where the heart is" and "Ohio: The Heart of It All". Luckily, I've been blessed to have my home IN the heart of it all. :) It's been a pretty good weekend at home, but basically every time I come back, I feel a little bit older. Tonight I went to the HS volleyball game where I babysat for one of the graduating seniors when she was in ~4th grade and three of my little swim team girls are now SOPHOMORES and are on the varsity team. Weird. I sat at the game amongst a bunch of old familiar faces, wondering how these parents could POSSIBLY have kids in HS now....haha. Seeing my name up on the wall for All-Ohio swimming from 2004 makes me seem WAY old. That was over six years ago!!! Craziness. So yes...I feel quite old and slightly out-of-place in Findlay anymore. However, Findlay still has that good ol' feeling of going just about anywhere and STILL seeing someone I know. :)
Ok....here's 3 of my happy things of Fall Break...
1. Baking pumpkin chocolate chip cookies with my seeeester :)
2. Going to Dietsch's and then driving around Findlay with my family and 2 other adults squished in my dad's work car....
3. Having a break from homework and getting to spend some quality time with the family :)

.ramen noodles.

Ok...so let's start off with my three happy thoughts before I stand on my soapbox and talk about stuff I like.
1. Today we (my research group) finished entering our data for our thesis project. WOOT! Definitely a big relief, and we are still about 10 weeks ahead of most other projects in our class. We'll just have to wait and see if our research was actually effective ;)
2. Fall Break=tomorrow. I haven't been home/seen the family since early/mid August, and I'm excited to go home and do fun fall/Findlay things :)
3. Hoodies. I can't express how much I love wearing a nice hoodie...whether it's school, sleeping, just about anything...I just love a good hoodie. I suppose this revelation just hit me while I was sitting in class today....:)

Ok...so my soapbox/important social issue would be universal design and universal acceptance of individuals with disabilities. I suppose this fire has been ignited with the work I've done the last two summers, but it has become especially evident in the last seven weeks of working with a student with cerebral palsy on campus. Basically, it makes me SUPER SUPER mad when "average Joes" treat people with disabilities like they aren't real people. I know some people stare because they are genuinely interested in the person's ability/condition, but when people start giving dirty looks, then I want to start throwing punches...haha...not really. Additionally, I would consider myself a huge advocate of Person-First Language and hearing people (especially OT professors) speak without using it drives me CRAZY! Regardless, over the weekend, the student I work with was voted Homecoming King of the university. Granted our university is pretty small, the fact that he still won is AWESOME. It makes me happy to go to a university that is accepting diversity to the fullest.
Although this student's physical abilities are extremely limited (basically less than 50% of his left arm is the extent of ability to do anything) , he is AMAZING. I spent most of my evening shift with him just talking and laughing about all sorts of things...life, being a psychology major, The Office, laughing about his condition, ramen noodles, reminiscing on our camp memories.....such a fun night! You would never guess that he had a severe disability if you just heard him talking on the phone...you'd only know because he looks different. I suppose that this is just a big social issue that's important to me because SO many times, people can't understand why I do what I do. It's just about loving people...whether that means helping them eat, wiping butts (ehh....I never said my jobs were glorious!), helping get dressed, or just helping with simple everyday schtuff.

A person with a disability is still a person, I just don't see what's so complicated about that.

.smiles.

I am trying REALLY hard not to smile directly AT my computer right now. It has been a good night. And honestly, a plain good weekend. :) Right now, I'm happier than I've been in a couple weeks, so yay for that.
1. Relaxing weekends make me happy. Although I did a reasonable amount of homework this weekend, I got time to just hang out. Lovely. I spent Friday night IN (a rarity for me!) and watched a movie and worked on our roommate puzzle with one of my roommates. Saturday I got to spend almost the whole day with a certain boy. :) OSU creamed IU, so that was fun on my end. Then we walked the canal and saw Dinner for Schmucks which I HIGHLY recommend for any Steve Carell fans reading this. DEFINITELY was a day o' fun after not seeing him in a looooong time.
2. My job. Well....yes, I work 3 VERY VERY VERY part time jobs, but the one I was busiest with this weekend was working for a student with cerebral palsy. He is HILARIOUS and super smart, but just lacks the physical ability to do most things. He was voted Homecoming King yesterday and we went out for celebratory McDonalds afterwards...so I learned how to drive a handicap-accessible van. Cool. And today he told me that he was really glad that I am working with him this semester and he thinks I'm going to be a great OT someday! :) Seriously...he's so nice...no wonder he's our Homecoming King!
3. Feeling motivated. I ACTUALLY did well on a test this semester (granted, it was a B, but at this point...I'll take that!) I do strive for A's but I've really been learning the importance of actually being able to deal with people, as opposed to only knowing ALL of the book answers. :) No more tests this week...so that's a good thing. Just one project to finish up and then FALL BREAK!!! I'm headed home for the first time in 2+ months. :) AND my sister is coming home from school since she knows I'll be in Findlay....yay! :)

.beautiful.

Good news....6 weeks down and 6 to go!! I'm excited to go back out and do fieldwork and get out of the classroom. In more exciting news, 55 weeks until I'm done with classes for my whole life! :) WEIRD! So...in 56 weeks, I could be a real person. Weird. Anyways...the week ended on a pretty good note. OT school is truly a rollercoaster ride at this point, but I'm TRYING to make the best out of it :)
1. In our OT prayer group this morning, my friend (she's from Ukraine) started praying outloud in Ukranian during our popcorn prayer. SOOOOO beautiful. I'd never heard ANYTHING like it before...it was just seriously awesome.
2. Beautiful weather!!! Last weekend I went camping in the chilly weather and this weekend it's going to be "sunny with a high of 75" <--- probably even a bit warmer than that actually. I think the boy and I will be hitting up the canal for one last time this year after my team (OSU) crushes his alma mater (IU). Fabulous.
3. I'm going home in ONE WEEK. I don't really get excited about going to Findlay all that often, but it's been over 2 months since I've been home and seen my family. It should be good schtuff. :)

<3

.chats.

Even though I'm in the midst of the chaos of midterms/being 5+ months away from being a semi-legit OT student on fieldwork....I am relatively not stressed out at this moment (granted, that could change at any given moment.....). Regardless, here are my top 3 things o' happiness.

1. A good Facebook chat with a far-away friend. I got to talk to my favorite (and only) Irish guy friend, who just so happens to be quite good friends with the boyfriend. It was nice to catch up and hear about his clinicals at home....I'm pretty certain I could hear his accent through the facebook chat. hahahaha.

2. Short days of class. Today, my 8:00 class and 1:00 class were cancelled. Better than that, my 2 1/2 hour afternoon lecture was only 50 minutes. Amazingness. And I forgot how awesome it is to sleep in on a school day :)

3. I FINALLY got more than a 14 minute chat with the boyfriend. Literally, I've been limited to 15 minute phone calls for the last week. As ridiculous as it sounds, we haven't seen each other in nearly 2 weeks, even though he lives 12 minutes away. He's been studying like crazy for his exam block which ended TODAY and he's coming over and bringing my Jimmy Johns to celebrate his fall break... :)

.sp.

Who EVER knew that the road sign abbreviation for 'state park' was 'SP'? Clearly I didn't. When I saw the sign for Shades SP over the weekend, I verbally concluded that we must be getting close to Shades State Park; however, that road sign ACTUALLY met that we were at the park. Brilliant, I know. We had quite the epic weekend really. Six OT students in a state park for 40 hours. Yup....good times had. Hopefully in the next day or so I will be adding pictures to Facebook of the ridiculousness of 6 OT students post-competencies. :) So...here's the big 3 happy things of the past few days (yeah...I'm slacking...I know)
1. GETTING MAIL. I got a letter from my best friend from summer camp this summer from New York. I LOVE getting mail from cool places, however I dislike that she lives SO far away :( Basically, I love anything that involves being a pen pal, because I like getting mail THAT much. I'm pretty sure I screamed a little when I saw a letter from her. :)
2. I spent some awesome quality time with my school friends over the weekend. It was just a much needed short break from the reality of competencies/school/tests. It's always fun to see people "out of their element" and out in the woods. Nothing like a little group bonding over a campfire! :)
3. Nature. I forgot how much I like being outside and climbing "rugged to very rugged" trails. It made me miss my camp home and I realized how blessed I am to have such a beautiful home away from home. God's glory was ever present in the waterfalls, trails, and beauty of what we saw this weekend. I'd even go out on a limb to say that God's beauty was seen in an area called "Devil's Punch Bowl". bahahaha. :)

.borderline.

WOOHOO! I just survived my first competency. Not to brag or anything, but I sorta rocked it....like 100%. Woot. Being said, I have things that I am ACTUALLY really happy to talk about on my "3 happy things of 10/1/10" haha. AND I proved to myself that I can actually work with clients with mental illnesses. My client had borderline personality disorder and polysubstance abuse. Buuuuut apparently I know how to help her be a more effective parent!? Holllllllla. :)
1. I'm going camping with OT friends this weekend. It's going to be epic. AND I'm teaching everyone to make banana boats this weekend. I can't WAIT! Definitely will be a good stress relief after a crazy week. :)
2. I rocked my competency. The professor who I THOUGHT was out to ruin my life and fail me out of OT school actually had some really nice things to say about my intervention session. She actually wrote on my paper "I'm so proud of you!" which was AWESOME to hear since I've nearly failed her first two tests and I'm pretty sure she thought I was just plain ridiculous/stupid. haha. Makes me realize how much I appreciate a good compliment...and I probably should give a few more every day!
3. Last night when I was up way late finishing my intervention, I had Monster Cookie Ice Cream. Probably one of the best tasting coping mechanisms I've encountered in a long while :)

.thirty five point two five.

Yup. That's right...my group's research proposal scored 35.25/45 on our application to present at the AOTA national conference in Philadelphia next spring, so we won't be going. Again...thank you God for answering prayers, even when we don't understand them. So these 3 positive things a day are more difficult that I thought, but I'm not giving up yet.
1. I'm REALLY stressed out writing this initial goal plan/intervention session for my IMAGINARY client with borderline personality disorder and substance abuse issues...to the extent that I didn't think I was going to make it to church tonight. But one of the girls in my bible study who is in my little prayer group just texted me begging me to come, so I am. It is nice to feel loved. :)
2. I got a hilarious text message from a dear friend in the middle of me trying to write an intervention plan for my dear, fake client about moose sweat. It made my morning.
3. The director of our program looked like a complete fool in front of our guest speaker today and it was quite hilarious. Definitely a light-hearted pick-me-up for the 2nd years who needed it this week!! :)

.ouch.

Well...this whole "3 good things a day" thing is much harder than I thought it would be. Hmm....I suppose I am still in the slump of being in school/school kicking my butt/can I PLEASE graduate...but this is more difficult than I thought so........here we go.
1. I had my first day of my first competency today. I had a great case study and wrote a pretty decent 7 page paper in the allotted 2 1/2 hours. Creating the intervention plan for Friday is going sub-par at this point, however.....hmph.
2. God answers prayers. Not always in the way we want to OR the way that's easiest for us to deal with, but he still answers prayers....and I'm SO thankful for a God that works in ways mightier than I can see....even if it makes me grumpy for the whole afternoon/evening. :)
3. Last night (after the last post) I had a WONDERFUL evening with a friend and her mom. I shared pictures/stories from my summer and it was a wonderful night to catch up on life. :)

.spanish.

Ok. Here is my attempt at three happy things for today (one of which just HAPPENS to be a huge prayer request!)
1. I found out that I can take medical Spanish in the spring during my last semester of classes.....WOOHOO! Although I can't take the school OT or ASL classes, I'm stoked to get back into Spanish.
2. My teacher curved our test (that I failed) so I now have a B-....hey, I'll take it.
3. I have the opportunity to go to Mazatlan, Mexico for 8 days in January with 6 girls from my school. The only problem= finances AND the fact that I need to decide what I'm doing within 5 days. I pray that God will open up doors to provide and that my parents will be open to the idea of letting me borrow money and go. PRAYERS!
4. Everyday I realize how blessed I am to have the boyfriend that I do. He is just over-the-top supportive, especially this semester as I've been freaking out about school and whether we can make our relationship work out despite being consumed by OT school/med school for him.

:)

.pdf files.

The best conversations happen at the weirdest times...and most often, they also come when I need them. So today at school, about 75% of our class was complaining about how they failed and/or got a C on our online test over the weekend. Yeah...super lame. After that time, I walked over to the library with a friend who was working on creating some PDF files for her job. So...we got to talking about how we (along with the 53 other second year OTSs) hate school this semester. They are trying to train us to think like OTs, but we just aren't understanding their teaching style, apparently. So my friend and I got to talking about how we are both normally QUITE optimistic people who just try to find the good in everything...but that we've been failing for the last month. It is just extremely difficult to be happy when you're surrounded with grumpy people all the time and you aren't doing well in school (aka this semester). Last night, she shared that she started a "happy moments" journal. Basically, she's writing 3 things a day that happen that are good, so she ends each day reflecting on the happy things in her life and not the sad/frustrating/annoying ones. Definitely a good CBT theory activity to stop focusing on the bad things in life. I concur. I have decided that my blog will be turning into the list of Em's happy moments. I suppose I shall start with today/yesterday.
1. All things camp. I work with a student on campus who used to be a camper and he SERIOUSLY brings me so much joy. Even though I'm just his on-call attendant for 2 nights/week, whenever he calls me, it's SO fun to just go talk to him and hang out for a bit. Yesterday, I also spent the afternoon with my beloved Canadian friend, the boy, and two other camp friends at CAMP! We walked around property and saw the new horse barn and rec pavilion that were only half finished when I left camp ~2 months ago. Just walking around camp and hanging out at our favorite place (which overlooks the lake) was AMAZING. Someday, I'll add pics to Facebook. :)
2. I got MAIL! My Daddy-O sent me a letter in it with some STAMPS! I looooooooove being a pen pal, but I always run out of stamps so quickly. Hmph. Now I can write more letters....YAY!!
3. Lily has arrived. For those who do not know, I have an un-biological twin. She had a baby. She's super adorable and I can't wait to meet her. Regardless, I would call that a happy thing...so here's a shout out to Team Hildebrand and Baby Lily! <3

.bb situation.

So, I will openly admit that I have a weakness for People magazine. It's my guilty pleasure, per se. This week in People, NOT ONLY was there a huge article about Teen Mom (ok...I also have a weakness for trashy reality TV) there was also an excerpt about bed bugs. Today when I opened up my Yahoo email, the front news story was about bed bugs in NYC. Clearly these things are taking over, which brings me to my conclusion. Over the summer, God used these stupid little bed bugs to remind me of the fact that He has a plan greater than I can see. At one point over the summer, the "bb situation" (the staff code for "oh crap...every cabin has been infested by bed begs") was more than I could handle. Really, it was more than any of us could handle. I'd never seen a 80+ person staff ripped apart by anything like this before. No one was sleeping because we were doing laundry til 3-4 AM and we were sleeping on concrete ground...for multiple nights. Not to mention that we couldn't live in our cabins AND the vast majority of us were showing bed bug bites mid-way through the week. I thought that I had made it through the clear, when one morning I woke up and I literally cried to see a few dozen bites on my left arm. That was my breaking point. Sure enough, God came through and I lived through that week. Not only did I live through it, I THRIVED the rest of that week. I have amazing memories from the rest of that week, including the highlight of my summer: adaptive water-skiing. Best ever.
Not only with the bed bugs, but God continues to blow my mind. My HS "sweetheart" (or whatever you prefer to call it) got married over the weekend. I remember at one point in my life when we broke up, that I thought life would never get better than the time I spent with him. False. Looking at his wedding pictures (um....yes, I am a facebook creeper), I realized how much happier I am now than I was with him. By going our separate ways, I have found true joy in what I'm doing (the camp/working with people with disabilities part...not so much the school part), learned what life is REALLY about, and found an even better guy. Win. <3

.speechless.

It takes a lot to make me speechless. I either have to be exhausted (beyond the point of slap happiness), exxxxxxxxtremely mad, or just in shock. "Just in shock" would be the polite way to put how I'm feeling now. Just about two hours ago, I found out that one of my favorite campers from this summer passed away from ALL (a form of childhood leukemia). He was 16, a junior in HS, and had been diagnosed for just over two years. I got a call from a counselor in my cabin during his week and we cried for awhile and then I got on Facebook to see that all of my campers from our Leadership cabin that week had posted things on their statuses about our friend. After seeing everyone's statuses and hanging up the phone with my friend, I was just in complete shock. This awesome kid who I had spend a solid 6 days with just 6 WEEKS ago had passed away. Such a shock.....
I knew that when he first came to camp in 2009, the doctors said he had less than two years to live. Seeing him at camp in 2010, I wouldn't have guessed anything was wrong. He exceeded every goal he set for himself (including trying watertubing, being a junior cabin counselor for a day, and hiking a combined 3 1/2 hour HIKE in a matter of 18 hours WITH his ankle brace on). I suppose I was really able to bond with him during watertubing and the leadership all-nighter on the last night of camp. I was in charge of watertubing and I remember having to talk him into just TRYING it; he ended up LOVING it and going multiple times and being SO excited to tell his parents about what he did. And then there was the all nighter.....
This camper had been talking ALL week about wanting to tell his story, so during the all-nighter, I promised to listen. He flat out told us how he knew he was sick, the whole process of starting chemo, living through leukemia while trying to be a regular teenager, coming to camp in 2009, still fighting leukemia...basically everything about his life from June 2008-present. The BEST part of all is that through his whole story he kept talking about how he knew that his faith was the only thing that would get him through this situation. He had his heart set on being a youth pastor and he knew that God had given him this challenge to be a light for Him and to use his testimony to change the lives of others when he was a pastor someday. Hearing his testimony made me speechless...what a strong, unwavering faith even in THE TOUGHEST of times! The most ironic thing, is that his last Facebook status ever says "I'm at home resting...." I'm am SO thankful that he loved the Lord and that He used this camper to touch so many lives while he lived here on earth. I have SO much respect for this camper and even though he will be missed here on earth, I can only REJOICE because I know that he is no longer suffering, but he is in HEAVEN!!!!
At the same time, I am reminded at how truly precious life is. You never know what day could be your last. Such a hard, but real lesson to remember. <3

.short people.

I love my friends. I am just SO thankful that God has given me such great friends in Indianapolis...just being back here feels so much like home!! More importantly, God has given me the gift of seeing people through His eyes, so even though my friends may be crazy different, I love them for it! So last night I went to hang out with two of my camp friends who recently moved to an apartment together. It was a GREAT night, but I'm sure that if anyone else had seen what we did all night, people would have been so confused. It was me, my friend with prosthetic legs, and my other friend who uses a wheelchair. We ALWAYS get strange looks when we go out places, but whatever. Getting to spend time with these guys has been such an eye-opening experience; it's crazy how much people will stare at things that are different from themselves! We had SO much fun and then we went back and the guys taught me to play Risk. It was a CRAZY long game....long enough that my friend was walking around without his legs on and my other friend was crawling around his house, instead of using his chair. When I got up to leave, one of them commented that I must have a thing for "short people", as both of the guys are sitting on the floor. It was a great comment and made me realize how strange it would look to some people, but how it seems strangely normal to me. And then (of course), being ONE WEEK back into school, I was already having all sorts of OT thoughts on how their apartment could be made more accessible. I'm such a nerd....:)

.capture.

I have the answer to the question. Not any sort of important and/or significant question, but rather the question asked by a dear friend last week at church. She asked me the most important lesson I'd learned this summer. The pastor at my church finally brought this lesson to my attention: love. Love is the answer to the question. Although it seems like such a simple and extremely obvious answer, it is the most important thing that allowed me to survive the summer. :) I suppose I should have learned this from the first week of kids' camps this summer....living with eight 8-11 year old boys with Down Syndrome will TRULY test anyone's sense of patience and love. While I think about how absolutely crazy/non-stop/chaotic this week was, I can only help but think about the happy memories and the hilarious comments from our boys. For every crazy/ridiculous thing that our boys did, I can only help but to love them a little more because they are such WONDERFUL children of God. This morning at church, our pastor gave an AMAZING sermon about creating a "rebellion of compassion" in the US.
There was a skit portraying two different families' reactions to seeing another family who had a child with a disability. One family complained about the child's behaviors while the other family accepted the child and invited her to play with them. Seeing a skit like this REALLY brought to life the reality of how my campers live on a daily basis. They are the ones catching the attention with their out of ordinary behaviors. The pastor brought in the "rebellion of compassion" by relating this skit to the story of Jesus raising the widow's son, found in Luke 17. The sermon focused on finding the people who desperately NEED to be loved on and how we can do it. This week seemed to focus a little bit on individuals with special needs, as our church has a very large ministry, dedicated to children with disabilities.
The following questions were posed at the end of the sermon:
-Do these people capture our attention, or are we blind to them?
-Do these people capture our hearts?
-Are we willing to do something our of the ordinary?

AHHHHHHHH. This sermon just blew my mind. It was simply a confirmation that I needed to hear. Although this summer was MASS chaos, I wouldn't have traded it for anything. Given the opportunity to love on these children, I couldn't have asked for anything different! Learning to love like Jesus has been a lesson I've truly experienced in my summers at camp. :) I thought I would quote a lil' Chris Tomlin right here from his Hello, Love album:

Love is the answer. Love will find a way. When we love one another, it's a brighter day. <3

.emails.

God is SO good. All the time, no questions asked. Seriously, tonight I felt closer to Him than I have in quite a long time and it was just plain AMAZING. :) I'm on such a high right now and I hope and pray that this continues as I begin what could be my last year of school! So today we had to go to orientation for the first years to meet our mentees (side note: it's SO weird that I'm a second year now!!). It was the first time I had seen all of my classmates in 3 1/2 months, so it was great to see everybody again, but I'm definitely not ready to start classes again, that's for sure! This evening, I just got back from church and being reunited with my woooooooonderful church community. It was beyond words epic. I hadn't really told anyone that I was back in Indy yet, so when I showed up at church tonight, people freaked....and I felt loved! :) There was lots of hugging, smiling, giggling, and story telling. I LOVED that soooo many of my friends told me that they enjoyed my email updates but they were glad to have me back in person. I was told that no emails could compare to my actualy enthusiasm in real life. SUCH a warm fuzzy feeling. :) But it was AWESOME to be back and I honestly feel like Indy is home, more than ever now. I am just SO thankful to be back and SO blessed to have found great friends here. When talking with my friends, I was challenged with the question of "What was the most important lesson you learned this summer?" And I am still stumped on that question....more on that question later...as soon as I figure something out....hmmmmmmmm......

.round two.

So....I'm thinking about what else sticks out from this past summer and I have drawn the conclusion of the importance of confidence. NOT OVERconfidence, as displayed by the competition of my alpha male lifeguards (WHICH would require pages and pages to describe, so I will refrain), but just a recognizable amount of confidence to be an effective leader. This summer I realized the importance of being confident in your decisions and making things work, even when you have NO clue what's going on. Having people trust you even when YOU don't know what's going on is a beautiful thing in the world of camp, and I'm hoping it's semi-applicable to the real world. The "fake it 'til you make it" theory has been suggested in my OT classes, so I feel like making rational and/or irrational decisions this summer on the fly, as the person in-charge of the waterfront, can only help in my future endeavors as an OT, right?!? :) In addition to that, I have realized the insignificant value of makeup this summer. I believe that our society places such a HIGH (and unspoken) demand on women to constantly be looking "the best"/wearing makeup or whatever. I've realized that the people most important to me in my life are the ones I wear NO makeup around. Why do I need to try to cover up who I REALLY am to impress people? Shouldn't people like me for ME and not what I look like? Needless to say, going 2 1/2 months with wearing ANY sort of makeup a handful of times, is quite a free-ing experience. I DID wear makeup when I went out several weekends for kicks, but Sunday-Friday I generally went with no sort of makeup. Best of all-- I still made friends (and somehow found a boyfriend...haha) even without makeup. Learning to be confident even when I felt like I wasn't "pretty enough" or "I look like crap" was quite a lesson and I loved being able to experience it. Since being back, I've even found myself wearing it less and just being ME! :)

.round one.

Ehhh....well I'm struggling with this blogging thing over the summer. Oops. Guess it's because I'm not on the computer all that often, unlike the school year.
I don't think it would be possible for me to sit down and collect all of my thoughts from my 2 1/2 month adventure at camp. This post has been designated at "Round One" since this will probably only cover the most basic lesson that Our Wonderful Creator pounded into my head over the summer. The biggest lesson I learned this summer was DEFINITELY on judgment. It is SO easy for us to look at people different than us and label them as weird, different, less than us.....SO EASY. Even when living in a community where judging others' abilities/differences is at an extreme minimum, it still happens. One of my favorite memories from the summer was during one of our first Challenge Days. One camper, who APPEARED to communicate non-verbally and only use a wheelchair, just ABSOLUTELY blew my mind throughout the week. Long story short, by the end of the week I had multiple verbal, humorous conversations with this camper AND on his Challenge Day, he walked 150 steps with his walker. AMAZING!!! Between 4 staff members and 25 minutes, our camper walked from the dining hall to the health center to cross his "finish line". Looking up and seeing his accomplishment (and the tears of all the other staff members) was just AMAZING. Definitely a moment I won't forget. I was able to help measure his walk with yarn.......150 is put into perspective when you are rolling it up around your hand!! SOOOO cool...and just to think that upon meeting him, I never would have guessed he was capable of that. That's one of the things I love about camp...people CONSTANTLY surprising you of their capabilities. And not only with campers....
I have been blessed this summer with getting to know an AWESOME guy at camp (who is "officially" my boyfriend at the time of this post)!! We worked together last summer at camp; although we hardly talked last summer, we had hung out a bit at camp throughout the school year. Naturally, we started conversation easily during CHIPS training. The more we talked, the more we realized we had in common. Things just kept going so well as we continued to talk all summer, followed by several dates, and ta-da! But honestly, I still sometimes am in disbelief that someone I have known for over a year has SO much in common with me once I started talking to him and actually getting to know him. Although he looks very different and has quite a different set of interests than any guy I've dated before, this is something VERY cool. :) A year ago, if you told me I'd be dating this guy, I would have probably laughed, but after actually getting to know him, there's no surprise that I am! :) <--- Pathetically cheesy I know, but I suppose that's how I get after being single for awhile.....:)

.communication.

Well, I'm not sure if anyone has the slightest interest in what's been happening in my life the past 2 1/2 months, but I have now left "the camp bubble" and have unfortunately returned to a place we call "the real world". That means that my communication (or stalking) will resume over the next couple weeks, and then we'll see what happens when my POTENTIAL last year of school starts! Mass craziness...
Regardless, I don't think I could fit into one entry the changes in my life and the lessons learned in the last 2 1/2 months; I've decided to break it down week by week to TRY to explain how I witnessed His work through the lives of our campers, staff, and situations/incidents of Summer 2010.
I suppose to put things into a short summary, I learned the importance of communication this summer. A majority of the problems from this summer came from a lack of communication between staff members, but there is SO much more to be learned here than just the mass chaos of 10 weeks at camp. I neglected to take my designated "2 hour a day breaks" because my job simply didn't allow me to do that and be around my campers as well. Since I didn't take my breaks, I didn't make any phone calls except an occasional one to the parentals on the weekend. Relationships suffer without communication. For sure. Not only between people, but between myself and Christ. I know that I fell away from devotions/alone time this summer MUCH more than I should, but given the circumstances of the summer and needing to find time to seek physical rest overtook the importance of spending time in the Word, in my mind. Bad choice. Although I feel that some areas of my life are disconnected right now (and trying to return to "normal"), learning to communicate with campers was AMAZING. Seriously, as much as I complained about my job, I LOVED it. Learning to communicate non-verbally with so many different people has been such a cool learning experience and it makes me more excited to go back to school to take my AAC class!!!!
Regardless of whether or not this post made sense, I am back in the blogging world and trying to reflect on how I made praising Him a habit this summer. <3

.a-rick–a-bamboo.

So as I have been procrastinating on packing for camp, I've been looking at old videos, pictures and reading through the journal I kept while I was at camp last summer. And I love what I have to say about "ditties" while journaling. There is one ditty that uses the phrase "a-rick-a-bamboo" and it is by far one of my less favorite ditties, except for the fact that a-rick–a-bamboo is an awesome word. Other than the fact that I've made it over the hump of "oh my gosh I'm going to freak out because I have a leadership role at camp this summer" and I'm just starting to get plain excited about going there and meeting new people. YAY!!! Although I'm super pumped and can't wait to start everything, I know that there are two long weeks of training and PLENTY of ice breakers and people to meet before we can start things off! It is my prayer that we are able to bond quickly and integrate the new staff into the camp family, as we have a large number of returners from 2009. Prayers for intentional, drama-free friendships between the staff members would be much appreciated!!! :)

As for the blog, well, I will be taking a break from it for a while. I will try my best to post when I am up visiting Indy, but there's no way that I'll be able to post while I'm on property (3 computers + 90 people= mass chaos). However, I have pretty good cell phone service and I'll try to email when I can....Despite the fact that it's near impossible to keep in contact with so many wonderful people God has blessed me with, I am STOKED for another opportunity to live without relying on email/cell phones/TV/cars to have fun this summer!

.364.

When I head back to camp on Monday, it will be exactly 364 days since the first time I stepped onto property as a member of Summer Staff. I can't even believe that! The last year has absolutely flown by. It boggles my mind that there were so many things I hadn't experienced a year ago. Staff training seems like a couple of months ago, and I remember my first campout so clearly (although I can really live without the whole raccoon attacks during the night this summer)!! I was talking to one of my camp friends from Vancouver, BC tonight and we were talking about how fast the last year has gone. It's amazing how finding the "magic of the woods" has made me feel so much more complete. What a blessing. I suppose that blessing is the only word to describe what camp has done to me. If people could only experience the awesomeness of camp, then they'd see what an amazing blessing this is! Spending 24/7 in the beauty of His creation, with beautiful people made in His image, and serving others who are so easily overlooked by "normal" people. Just so amazing. I honestly don't know if I have truly seen anything as beautiful in all of God's creation until I started working at camp. AHHH....such an amazing amazing thing. Regardless, here goes nothing to a summer full of adventures, memories, growth, and friendships!

.raspberry lemonade.

Ok. I will be honest, the title of this post has absolutely nothing to do with what I am blogging about. I'm just drinking some raspberry lemonade now, and reflecting on how this might be my all-time favorite drink. Seriously. It's just that good. MMmmmm.....
In more substantial news, I am ~57 hours away from camp, and I've only been on summer break for ~5 hours. I mean technically speaking, I've been on summer break for two weeks, but I don't consider 8 hour clinicals starting at 7:00 AM (with additional homework!) as summer. The plan for these last two days of freedom is to spend time packing/reading/sleeping/relaxing and getting things ready for an awesome summer. It blows my mind that it's been a year since I first started this whole camp adventure. The lasting impact it has had on my life is just incredible...thinking about life before camp just seems WEIRD. Even the friends I have from camp are close enough that feel like they've been around for my whole life. Recently, I've been really reflecting on how blessed I am to have been able to be involved with something as awesome as camp. I LOVE that God has made me passionate about these kids, and I love that I'm able to learn so much from all of these amazing kids. On top of that, it has made me well prepared for the world of OT. My fieldwork supervisor was quite impressed that I knew how to do some basic wheelchair stuff and that I was completely comfortable with getting clients out of bed and dressed. Apparently that freaks some people out....? <--I'm not going to lie, dentures do completely freak me out still...I suppose that is why I'm a pediatric person ;) Just thinking about how much one summer changed my view of the world, I can hardly wait to get back to camp and see how much another summer in a new role with new faces/friends will be able to impact my life. At the same time, I have been praying about this summer for awhile now and I pray that God just opens up some doors to allow me to be a powerful influence in the lives of people this summer. Cool stuff...after I get a little more sleep, I can HARDLY WAIT to be there!

.wave.

When my friend from Florida was visiting last week, we had a "catch up" discussion with a group of Bible study girls about what wave we've been riding. She defines "waves" as what we've been going through lately..and describing it in one word. I said that my wave was 'dynamic' because of all of the changes going on recently. Not only are there changes with graduation, OT school, moving, but recently I've begun to realize how different camp is going to be this summer.
Last night I spent the night at camp with a dear friend, who happens to be the assistant camp director this summer. We started out the night going to get ice cream with some of the year-round camp employees and some of the new summer interns! It was soo great to meet some new faces, but really strange at the same time. When my friend told me we were going out with the interns, I got REALLY excited thinking that they were the 2009 interns. I had to do a double-take and remember that I didn't actually know any of them. I REALLY clicked the international year-round employees; it will be nice to see them around property this summer for sure! The summer interns seemed pretty nice, but I didn't get a chance to talk to them a whole lot. I'm definitely anticipating MONDAY, when I'll meet some more new faces and be re-connected with old camp friends! :)
I think this night was the first time that I really realized that my close friends WILL NOT be back at camp next week and this summer is going to look completely different than 2009 which is a good/bad thing. Luckily my friend and I then spent the rest of the night talking about ways to shine for Him this summer, ways to create intentional relationships with a whole new set of 80+ staff members, and our excitements/fears in new leadership positions. We talked about how things will be very different, but that's not a bad thing at all. The "top dogs" from 2009 have all been replaced, so I'm anticipating a really different summer, but a GREAT one, nonetheless. Basically, it was the best bed chat I've had in a loooong time. I am SO thankful that God brought her back to camp this summer; she will definitely be a solid confidant for the craziness that is camp! She will definitely be a blessing and place to "vent" when needed through the changes that will be occurring this summer. I am honestly getting REALLY anxious/excited/nervous to see how God works throughout the summer!!
I suppose I will end this post with a quote about summer..even though I REALLY don't feel like I've been on summer break for 2 weeks...haha. I love this quote and it's currently featured on our camp staff 2010 facebook group :P (<-- look at me, citing my sources...I apologize for my inner nerd!)

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus

.shock.

I am in shock. Mainly, because I am updating this blog from the front of camp property which obviously means that there is wireless internet here! The actual camp is on the back of property where I'm pretty sure the wireless doesn't run, so WOOHOO for another summer of using the good ol' internet on slow computers! Not that I'll really have time to ever check email/blog/Facebook...I just was going through some documents that I'm supposed to look over for the waterfront and I can just tell it's going to be a busy busy summer! (On that note, I will probably not be blogging much from May 17-July 31...if you want to hear from me, LET ME KNOW and I will add you to my email list...although probably most people who read this are already on my list!)
In other incredibly shocking news, SOMEHOW our thesis project made it through the IRB (they have to confirm that all projects are safe to the participants; we were denied previously for 24 different things!). So we can do our data collection this summer...which is AMAZING since we are supposed to start that in less than 3 weeks. AND as I am updating this blog, I am doing it from a very dear friend's room here on property...which means I can't wait to spend this summer with her and see how God changes our friendship to use us to build each other up!!!

."pretty little monkey".

My lack of posting can be attributed to my crazy life the last two-ish weeks. There's the whole glory of finals which means loads of studying for tests (WHICH I did pass the semester...bring it on Year 2 of OT school!) and not much time for facebooking. As soon as school ended, there was the glory of the "2010 Dehydration Ambulation", which is fancy talk for OT PARTY!!! After that wonderful extravaganza came two days of moving...first my roommate into her new apartment for after the wedding and then a day of moving my stuff to the new place. (Side note: I shall post pictures on facebook of the place, but is a house split into two houses a duplex, condo, or townhouse? I have no idea what to call my new place.) Then was the whole graduation thing. Quite entertaining, but quite full of emotions....thennnnnn comes fieldwork. I'm at a facility that is a 45 minute drive from my place (BUT I drive past camp when I go there, which makes up for having to drive that long!) and I work with a geriatric population...mainly all people with dementia. Best of all, I get to make that early drive in order to start working at about 6:45 AM. All of the above-mentioned events cause me to crawl in bed about 9:15 every night, type paperwork for an hour, and then go to bed and repeat. It's definitely been a whirlwind but I'm learning all sorts of things. However, it's been tough. Working 9 hour days with a population that is VERY difficult for me has been challenging. I requested a geriatric rotation just to "test the waters" and I'm actually enjoying some of it. I love the people I'm working with and some of the residents are actually really cute!

Thursday I was especially drained from the work AND I had to do my first intervention WHICH we have yet to learn anything about intervention in school. I was basically a nervous wreck for an hour AND to make it even better, my client (with alcohol induced dementia) started freaking out on me during therapy. Not ideal, whatsoever. On top of that, I had to stay REALLY late on Thursday doing some home health visits and home evaluations that I barely made it home in time for church at 730. Honestly, by the time I got to church I just wasn't really wanting to be there UNTIL (insert extreme excitement here) I was attacked with a killer huge running hug from a dear friend. One of my friends from our Bible study moved back to Florida in December and it's been hard to keep in touch with her BUT she came back for a surprise visit which TOTALLY made my day. Someone took pictures of everyone's reactions when we saw her and I hope they make Facebook sometime soon. Basically, I looked like a 5 year old in a candy shop when I saw her...seriously, the best surprise EVER! Another side note I must add about a quote from a nursing home client: "Hi honey. I'm gonna call you my pretty little monkey. And if I forget later what I called you, just tell me that's what I wanna call you." Precious, right?!

Regardless, I just love love love that God is using the smallest moments to leave lasting marks on me even in these crazy times. That's good stuff. :)

.surreal.

Life has been moving at a million miles an hour this last week...and all of the changes have left my head spinning like CRAZY. All of these changes feel soooo surreal and at times, I'm waiting for everything to go back to "normal".
1. Last Wednesday I finished finals. Not just any ol' finals week. It was my last set of undergrad finals AND these finals marked the end of my first year of OT school. Therefore, I am a second year which means I have to be a real person in 18 months AND there are no older OT students in the building next year. Weird.
2. I moved out of Fox Club Apts, thankfully. For every good memory I had there, there was definitely at least one girly dramatic/awkward moment. It's good to leave all of that in the past and look onto maintaining relationships with two of the four roommates who used to live there. I learned quite the handful of lessons in that sketchy apartment, and I don't know that I would change anything about it. I had to learn somehow how to grow up and be a big girl.
2a. I feel like point 2 needs to be expanded upon. Here is where I will do so. My roommate and her fiance are moving in together...and getting married in 2+ weeks. HOW WEIRD. To know that we'll never be roommates again is something I'm struggling to wrap my mind around, even after moving them into the place AND buying their wedding present.
3. I moved into a townhouse/duplex with one old roommate and two other girls. It's just been BEYOND strange because it is the first time that I've lived in Indy without my old roommate being AT MOST a 10 second walk from me (sharing a room with someone for three years just bonds people!). Don't get me wrong, all of my new roommates are great, it's just that we are all on such different schedules/paths that it seems like most of the time we're all home by ourselves, except when we're sleeping.
4. I graduated. How weeeeeeeeird is that!? Just the whole thought of undergrad being over and my friends moving on to bigger and "realer" things. Last night I was at a party with some friends who I'd gotten especially close with over the last couple months and I drove home thinking about how we are all going different places....quite depressing to say the least. AND it's even weirder to say that I am a college graduate...like I have a diploma and I spent 4 years working my booty off to hear my name and "summa cum laude" in front of a gym full of people (maybe not the best use of 3 hours of my Saturday afternoon....haha). Just the whole thought of being a college graduate makes me sound old. Like really old.
5. I started fieldwork IB today. That means that I have to do everything from last semester PLUS taking an initial evaluation of a real client!! Scary..it's like I'm almost a real therapist.
6. A week ago, I got "checked off" to drive the new boat at camp. There's only 8 people allowed to drive it during its first summer. I suppose that my role at camp is starting to hit me now and that I do have a big role in pulling off a lot of things for this summer and I'm a LG/CC anymore.

I suppose this random rambling has been my attempt to sort out my thoughts via blogging. My apologies for any boringness/whiny-ness/etc, but that's where I am and I'm anticipating the continual changes and growth that He will bring me through during the next few months!

.glazed donuts.

The last eight semesters, donuts have been a sign of the end of the semester. There is this fantastic thing called Midnight Breakfast where the professors come and cook breakfast on campus...at midnight (obviously). The only thing they don't cook is...delicious Krispy Kreme donuts. I'm a huge fan of these...for obvious reasons, so about 1:00 AM this morning I was just about in heaven with my donuts (yes...that is plural...I had 2!) Regardless, we always spend the entire semester looking forward to Midnight Breakfast because we know how AWESOME it is. This has led me to realize that although I am 4 days away from being done with undergrad AND as much as I complain about it, I am actually going to miss it! Being in grad school is great (sometimes...don't get me wrong...it's hardly ever easy) but undergrad was such an awesome time of learning/growing in my life. It was the first time I was every away from EVERYONE I knew, in a "strange" place, and wasn't being challenged academically for the first time ever. I would have never imagined that I would have actually grown to like this lifestyle and I can't even begin to thank Him for all of the things that have changed in my life. So cool....even cooler, is that I am one more final away from being done with senior year/grad school year 1!! :)

.kathryn.

I know, I know...just about every post I make is something along the lines of the changes I'm going through...and yet again, the theme pops up in this post. Don't say I didn't give you a warning! :) I just realized how crazy different that my life will be in one month. Obviously, this is something that I have been thinking about a lot lately, but in the mass chaos of the last week, I seem to have kinda forgotten everything that is going on soon. Hmm.....Today I met a student with cerebral palsy that I'll be "assisting" next year. He's absolutely hilarious and I'm so excited too get to know him better! It will be an awesome change of work, compared to being in the library like the last 3 years! But before next semester, there is a little thing called finals. Finals will be Monday-Wednesday. After that I'll be a real college graduate AND done with my first year of grad school. Weird. In a week from now, I'll be living in a different place. I'm not exactly looking forward to dragging everything I've brought in here the last 2 years down the stairs and three blocks down the road...haha. BUT I will have my own room for the first time since 2006, so that's exciting. :) I get a fancy piece of paper that says I have a seemingly worthless psychology degree in 7 days. :) A week from Monday I start my second of six fieldwork rotations....at a nursing home. I'm praying that God will change my attitude about driving an hour everyday to do my fieldwork at a nursing home....none of that sounds appealing to me whatsoever. And ~60 hours after fieldwork ends, I'll move to BW for the summer!!! Speaking of BW, I was there today. I just love that place. I was there to get checked off on the new pontoon and go over some random waterfront stuff. The new pontoon has been named S.S. Kathryn by whoever donated it; I have been told that she is my baby for the summer and I'm allowed to punch people who try to hurt it (Side note: No, punching is not okay at camp, but apparently I have been given an exception to the rule haha). Not to mention, there are only ~8 people who can drive "her" this summer. AHH! More responsibility...but I'm definitely looking forward to being at the waterfront all summer!
Are there loads of changes coming quickly? Yes. Am I ready for it? Oh...somedays. But regardless, I know that He is going to be with me every step of the way!!

.25.

Oh, the irony. Last week I complained about the number 24 and how it had put a damper on my life. Well, this week the number 25 has put two AWESOME AWESOME blessings into my life! In looking at the previous post (.lottery.), I did survive the fieldwork lottery and it turned out AMAZING! I picked the number 25...which isn't the greatest considering there are 55 people in our class and I was honestly bummed about this at first. BUT I am stoked about getting to do my clinicals at the best rehab hospital in Indiana and one of the leading children's hospitals in Ohio. Oh boy....does God provide!! Basically, I am busting at the seams with excitement, despite the nausea feelings and trembling awkward nervousness of this morning. Last night, I was texting with a dear friend and she gave me this quote...basically I read the text message at least 20 times between the time when she sent it and when I had to pick my fieldwork sites this morning. Here it is:

"If we can trust God with our eternity, we've got to trust Him with our now."

Ahhh.....so cool. On top of that, I started texting one of my friends at Ohio State during the lottery and she is already planning on hooking me up with her church and campus church group when I move to Columbus. Nothing like planning ahead for something 11 1/2 months in advance...! :)

.lottery.

I don't especially enjoy games involving risks with lots of unknowns...probably one of the reasons I have no desire to go to Vegas and I'm absolutely terrible at poker. Regardless, I hate when hinge around "risky decisions". I suppose that I would define a decision as risky when there are lots of factors to consider and I don't have a certain preference in any direction. Basically that's what Wednesday's fieldwork lottery comes down to. I wasn't TOO stressed about it...until class today. Sometimes I swear OT school is some sort of wicked social experiment. Ya know...something along the lines of "let's stress out 54 people and then keep them locked up in rooms for 8 hours a day all together and see what happens to them". Seriously...these people are stressing me OUT! There are all sorts of deals being made and crazy stuff. Apparently last year, there were people crying before the lottery began. There will probably be a bloodbath with several of our "girly girls" over the children's hospitals in the southern US. And as comical as that may be, there so many reasons I'm dreading Wednesday. The whole lottery process has been on my heart/mind HEAVILY for weeks now and the fact that I have to finally pick my fieldwork locations is INSANE. I'm still kicking myself for turning down an opportunity to go to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota...I didn't want to go because I thought I'd be super lonely, but it ends up that I have a friend going for one rotation, and it would have been AWESOME to live up there with her! However, I can't imagine moving somewhere where I don't know anyone, leaving Indy, or being stuck at a crummy facility for 3 months. To add to it all, these fieldworks don't even start until March 2011, so who know how different my life will look by then! AHH! Regardless, the one thing keeping me sane is the fact that no matter what happens, no matter where I go, and no matter how crazy things get, He is control and He knows that everything will work out for His glory, even though I can't see any of it! Let's hope that when everything goes down on Wednesday that I can REMEMBER that He is in control of this situation, even if the outcome isn't what I want.

.yin and yang chocolate.

I am SO thankful for people, especially ones that I haven't seen in a while/don't get to see everyday. Don't get me wrong, I've been blessed with great friends in Indianapolis, but this weekend made me realize that I am SO blessed to be able to travel and see so many WONDERFUL people who are in my life. When caught up in the busy-ness of school, work, etc, it's not everyday that I realize how much I miss someone or how much someone has impacted my life. This weekend I remembered how important these relationships truly are.
Friday morning I got up early (on my day OFF of class, mind you!) to drive back to Findlay for my swim coach's Hall of Fame recognition banquet. It was AWESOME to be there for the night...and he had no clue that I was coming in from Indianapolis. It was quite exciting. As much as I love swimming, it's not really something I think about all the time anymore. Friday night made me realize how much those 4 years have influenced who I have become, even though it seems like a distant memory. Basically at the open house, I was the youngest person, with the exception of my dearest teammate who also graduated in 2006 (other than us, everyone else was our parents age). It was also awesome to meet some of the FHS alumni who swam 25-30 years ago, and I have heard stories about them for years; makes me wonder how goofy all of us will look when we're that age.
Anyways...after spending 25+ hours a week with the same coach and same teammates for 4 years, you get really close...to say the least. Being able to be back with an old teammate and our two coaches from 2002-2003 season, we had a LOT of fun remembering "the good old days" and I remember what a close-knit group of swimmers we were. What a blessing....I could write pages and pages on what swimming taught me, but I will refrain for now. It was SUCH a fun night to be back with my "swim family", even though a) one parent called me my sister's name and b) lots of the parents couldn't believe that I was old enough to be holding an "adult beverage". After countless weekends on bleachers, hotel nights, and mass craziness, I realize that I only made it through swimming from the support network of amazing and encouraging parents/coaches. SO great. To say the least, it actually made me miss high school.

Saturday morning I got up (early again, but yet totally worth it) and drove to UD. It was one of my HS best friend's birthday and the three of us girls celebrated her birthday together. Once again, SO thankful that I have great friends in my life AND after 4 years and taking VERY different paths in life, we are still close. We spent the day hanging out, playing bananagrams, cooking, and then we went to THE MELTING POT. It might be my new favorite place. We had the bestest fondue EVER, and the evening was topped off with this AMAZING white and dark chocolate yin and yang fondue. If I could taste Heaven, I think that is what it would taste like. Honestly. Regardless, it was just a great chance for us to all hang out with her family, roommates, and have a mini "Findlay reunion" as we are starting to head in even more different directions post-graduation. When I think about how bummed I was to leave my HS friends, it yet again makes me realize how I couldn't have made it through school/band/"the break up"/swimming/picking a college without them. So awesome.

Conclusion: I am SO thankful for the people God has placed in my life. The way he has used them all to create who I am still boggles my mind and this is definitely something that I take for granted everyday. Also, the fact that I am writing a conclusion here makes me feel 1% less guilty about not working on my therapeutic skills conclusion and/or essay right now. :)

.therapy.

I know...quite an awkward title for a post since I think about occupational THERAPY just about all day, every day. This post, however, is not related to anything at all involving school. Essentially, I was on the verge of a meltdown today and I realized that what I really needed to do to vent my anger/frustration with homework was to go swimming. I honestly haven't been too active this semester and the thought of going and swimming laps was slightly daunting. Little did I realize how therapeutic swimming has become for me. I can't even express how much better I feel after just an hour swim (for the record, I did make it 2 miles in an hour....AND I did 10 100's sending them on 1:30...it was a KILLER but way awesome) <-- Also, I apologize that the little side note there made no sense to anyone who doesn't know swimming...my bad! :) Anyways, I'm just SO SO thankful for a re-found love for something that is so energizing and relaxing all at once. Thanks God. Even though I missed out on time to do homework, being able to spend time swimming was WELL worth it. I feel that the same is true for where my faith has been leading me this semester. Everytime I dig deeper and deeper into it, the more refreshing it is. Love it. :) I thought I include a few pics on this post...because I have figured out how to do it now. They are just some old swimming pics from "the good ol' days!"

.24.

Twenty-four. The number of hours in a day. The title of a popular TV show. The title of a great Switchfoot song. Also, the number of reasons our thesis project was rejected by the Institutional Review Board. Why yes, the IRB is cramping my style and in the process of making me MORE stressed...if that is possible. I mean, our project is over-the-top ambitious with a very vulnerable population, but REALLY?! Twenty four things to change and eight days to do them...? Hmph.
However, I know that this is a minor (which could very very very quickly turn into a major) setback in the bigger picture of me becoming an OT. It seems like I just need to be reminded by the hands-on, practical reasons of why I'm going through this ridiculous mess known as grad school. Looking at these pictures is an incredible reminder of why I'm doing what I'm doing. These are people who have had an AWESOME impact on my life and I can only hope that I had even leave a fraction of the impact on their lives.

.dinosaurs.

Ok...sometimes I say dumb things. I think the more worn down I get with this semester, the crazier I get, and I say sillier and sillier things. For example, my roommate and I got our cap and gowns for graduation today. I had to go to a lunch for the incoming class of OT students as a "mentor" after we got our cap/gown but she went home and apparently tried on her "graduation regalia" (I think regalia is such a funny word!). During our lunch, I got a text from her that said she couldn't figure out how to put on our stuff. So after I got home from lunch, she and I spent the next 45 minutes prancing around the apartment with our cap, gown, and hood on. It was quite fun...and I basically came out and said that we looked like "emo dinosaurs" because we COULD NOT figure out how to wear these stupid hoods with our black gowns. Like seriously, these hoods are SO pointy on the ends and if I can't figure out how to wear them by May 1, I'm going to look incredibly silly in front of a large group of people. :)

Regardless, buying the whole graduation "regalia" schtuff and meeting the incoming first year OTs made for a WEIRD day. It started the vicious cycle of thinking about changes once again that are coming right around the corner. 11 more days of school, 12 days til the ridiculously stupid lottery :(, 3 weeks til I move, 22 days til graduation, 37 days til camp, and 11 months until I am on fieldwork, and 17 months until I am a real adult. Scary stuff.

Basically what it comes down to, is that I am quite nervous about the changes coming soon, MAINLY the stupid lottery. I'm sure I shall post about it later....especially the results. BUT God, being so cool as He is, has gotten me a bit obsessed with Needtobreathe's latest CD, especially the song, These Hard Times. I think I listened to it about 8 times today and I have found such comfort in these lyrics...such a good song. Also, its such a reassurance that however the detested lottery goes, He is in control and I know that He will put me in the right place at the right time. So here we go...I love these lyrics!!! :)

Give me something brighter
Give me something I can see
Give me something vicious
Give me something I can be
Give me all the love and peace
To end these wars
Give me something sacred
Something worth fighting for

It's clear enough to me
The ugliness I see
Is evidence of who I need

Give me an answer
Give me a way out
Give me the faith
To believe in these hard times

.turkey.

Unlike a majority of the American population, my family did not have ham for Easter. We aren't really ham-sort of people, so we had turkey. We got back from church and my sister walked in the door claiming that our house smelled "like Great Grandma's house at Thanksgiving". I'm not going to deny it...it really did smell like that, which brings me to the point of this post. Thanksgiving is a day when we thank the Creator for everything that He has blessed us with (sorry to end the sentence with a prepositional phrase...). Other than at Thanksgiving this year, I feel that this Easter I have been especially thankful/reflective of what He has done for me. For the first time in my life, my main occupation (sorry to explode some OT lingo onto the blog) is school; at times this semester, it has completely fallen apart. School has been hard before and I've taken some hard blows with relationships, but during those times I've always had a "back up" occupation to pull me through whatever I'm going through. Not this semester. Grad school leaves little time for outside activities, so when it falls down the tubes, there goes me/my motivation/everything. I've had to cling hard to my faith this semester because at times, it's been the only thing holding me together. There have been a TON of mornings where the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is knowing that He is going to get me through the day/the week/the test, etc. It's not the most fun place to be, but I have grown a LOT this semester when all I have left to hold onto is my faith. Knowing that 2000+ years ago, He gave the ultimate sacrifice makes me SO SO thankful that I even have a reason to hold onto something intangible. Without that sacrifice, I don't know how I would be making it through each and every day.

This weekend was awesome. I promised myself to do no homework while I was home, so I left the book bag in Indiana. I thought I just compile a short list of the blessings I experienced this weekend; I suppose this would be an overly obvious example of "making praise a habit", but bear with me. :) Being with home friends and family gives me something tangible to cling to and being away from the books was exactly what I needed. So here we go:
decorating butter cookies with my second family, playing games with my family, playing corn hole, cuddling with my dog, cooking, eating buckeye ice cream with out of town visitors :), seeing the sand sculpture, visiting friends at church, and eating (of course)

I included a picture from the 2010 On Common Ground sand sculpture at the fairgrounds. It was featured on K-Love and I was basically screaming when I heard the little blurb about it :) I fully give any readers of this blog permission (and suggestion) to stalk my latest album of Facebook pictures to see the whole sculpture. It was AMAZING and a beautiful, beautiful depiction of the ultimate and wonderful sacrifice.

.hug.

So basically every time I leave camp, I am on a "camp high" and I stay there for a couple days. I am completely content with that. It just makes me SOO thankful that God has put a place that means a lot to me in my life. I can't even imagine how differently my life would look right now without the experiences and friendships I have made since May. I could honestly blog for hours about how I've seen God work through me in the lives of others since the past summer, but I will refrain since I'm sick-ly and I need to get some sleep soon. Regardless, I was just thinking about how sometimes God works in the smallest little moments in our lives, but those impact us the most. On Saturday night I gave a "sunset cruise" to the parents on the beloved pontoon called Skidmark. The parents seemed to enjoy it, and we saw the resident bald eagles of camp while we were on the lake, so that was awesome. Sunday morning when we were packing up everyone, a mom of a camper came over and found me packing up another camper's stuff. I turned around and she just gave me a big hug (and I just LOVE hugs!!!) and thanked me for the pontoon ride and for helping take care of her son for the weekend. I was SERIOUSLY surprised that this random lady appreciated the work that I had done that much. It was especially meaningful because this camper is one that has a reputation for being very "challenging" for staff. It was such a perfect way to say goodbye to that camper and his family. Having moments like that make every stress/chaotic moment of my job well worth it. And I only have The Creator to thank for placing such wonderful people in my life and for the experiences I've been blessed to have in the last year.
I thought I would end this post with lyrics from Rob Thomas' "Little Wonders":

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain

.end.

Once again, I apologize for the repeated posts about new endings/beginnings, but the idea of change has been consistently on my heart and mind the last few weeks/months. I suppose it has really hit me again these last few days. Friday was my last day of fieldwork which was sad! I loved my fieldwork supervisor and I LOVED working with pediatric clients. I'm definitely going to miss the whole enthusiastic/friendly/happy atmosphere of the clinic. Then I arrived at camp on Friday night and one of the program specialists was talking about how this was the last retreat of the 09-10 off-season, which lead us all to the realization that it would be the retreat we worked where it would be only the 2009 Staff. Then I realized that when I go to BW next, I won't be with all of my close friends...it will be a whole new sea of faces, which honestly scares me. I have made such AWESOME friends in the last 10 months at camp and I can't imagine changing things from how I know them to be. And then this morning, saying bye to our campers was REALLY hard. I know we were only together ~40 hours, but our cabin REALLY bonded over such a short time, which I found to be surprising. I was switched to work in the boy's cabin at the last minute because the boy's cabin was MUCH more difficult than the girl's cabin this weekend. I was anticipating the weekend because I knew that we had some campers who are infamous for being "difficult". But it was an AWESOME weekend. Spending time with those guys opened my eyes to how AWESOME they all are, despite the fact that they are a little more difficult to care for.

Back to the point of this post, why do we dislike change? Maybe it's just me, but I feel like there are a lot of negative connotations associated with change. Honestly, for me, I think I dislike change because of fear of the future. I am a schedule-oriented person and I always like to know what's coming next. Unfortunately, that's not how life rolls...but it would be SO much more convenient if I knew what was coming next!! If I already knew where I'd be doing my long-term fieldworks, if I already knew I'd meet a new great set of friends this summer, if I knew that I'd still love being an OT after one great fieldwork placement. That is where faith comes in. Faith doesn't apply only to "spiritual" matters, rather it should be consuming my EVERY worry/concern/stress. Hahaha...it sounds so easy when I put it like that, but yet SO difficult to apply to life. Basically, I have fallen in love with Hebrews this year, so here's some more wise words from The Word:

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. -Hebrews 11:!

.rmanova.

Another week down. 1 day of fieldwork, 16 days of classes, a ridiculous large number of presentation/projects/papers and 7 finals are separating me from summer. Although I haven't seen any tears at school in a couple weeks, I think this was the week when people started losing it. I have never seen a group of 17 people be SOOO out of it for 6 straight hours. One person wrote on my facebook wall which then started a long conversation on the wall post, and then the girl behind me starts emailing me telling me to stop facebooking, or she's going to turn me in (which of course was clearly sarcastic). All this was happening while we were SUPPOSED to be learning RMANOVA...which we all clearly failed at (side note: epic fail on my group's part since this is what we're using for our thesis project...oops!) . And then we got to biomechanics and arms were flailing, there was excessive singing/screaming, and there was lots of giggling and speaking Spanglish. Our professor was taken aback when she walked in because normally by Thursday afternoon we are all completely dead. Not this week. We've all passed that point and we're into some sort of laughing/crazy delirium. So yes, I love OT school, I really do, but it's slowly eating away at all of us.
The point I am making with this point is that these weeks of mass chaos are really bonding us and I LOVE to see that. This adversity that we face can really only be understood by each other; I could complain and explain every assignment I have to do between now and April 29, but no one really knows what all this means, except my classmates. We are all SUCH incredibly different people, but we are going through the same trials/problems everyday and that's where such cool friendships are thriving. Its been incredible to be a part of this program and to grow close to people who share the same passions as I do.
Here is the kicker: As much as I love bonding (and venting/complaining) with classmates, what would it look like if I clung to God during all of this adversity? No, not in place of my classmates, because they are great, but what if I clung to Him tighter than anything else. How often do we turn to someone/something because it will give us the instant gratification that we want/"need"? Is that what we REALLY need? He cares about our stresses/problems even more than the people in our lives. It's just so much easier to turn to my friends because they are here, tangible, willing to listen, and usually willing to tell me what I want to hear. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE OT, but what if every time I complained about this-and-that, I turned to Him. Turning to Him would reveal all of that comfort AND MORE. The satisfaction that never ends....something that even the world's best OT student could never provide ;)After an amazing talk at The Dwelling tonight, I have decided to turn these next 5 weeks over to Him. Although it's so easy to turn to classmates, I want to turn to Him first. He knows the future and my trust in Him is what will get me through this temporary time of craziness.

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
-Something Beautiful, by Needtobreathe
Oh, something beautiful