.convergence.

I am QUITE bummed that my out-of-state is falling when it does. Last night, we started Donald Miller's 'Convergence' videos at Bible study and I can just tell that He had BIIIIIIG plans in store for the 6 wonderful ladies in my group. OF COURSE, I'm going to be leaving before we can get super deep into the video series and into community with each other, but I feel like I already have gained so much perspective after just one night. It was also just SUUUUUUUCH a blessing to be in a community of believers again. Stupid night class has prevented me from being in young adult fellowship/Bible study at my church this semester and I could clearly tell it was taking a toll on me spiritually. Being in community with wonderful ladies yesterday (and over the weekend at a wonderful bowling event!) and I forgot how much I miss it! Regardless, I am SO thankful for one night of fellowship, and I hope and pray that there is still a feeling of community, yet openness when I come back from Ohio :)

.tiaras.

I am not going to lie: I do watch the show Toddlers and Tiaras and I get a kick out of it. I don't really know what I like about it, and I'm pretty sure my roommates judge me appropriate amounts for watching this show (season finale tonight at 10...just sayin'...) It's just something about those ridiculous parents and melt-downs of 3 year olds that makes it so very entertaining. From an outsider looking in, every time those silly girls have a meltdown, I just want to (slap them...just kidding) tell them it will all be okay in the end, and when they're older they'll forget this even happened. Basically, I had one of those sort of meltdowns tonight and I just needed to take some time relaxing (aka watching this ridiculous show) to prevent me from completing freaking out about the next 8 months. I literally just talked through this meltdown with my roommate, who is in the same boat....paying off cars, having no steady income, studying for boards, preparing for fieldwork, looking for jobs, starting to pay off loans....scary stuff. *insert deep breath here*

All of my life, in every season, You are still God and I have a reason to sing.

.inattention/distractibility.

I am in the middle of a complex research study. I'm not trying to complain about how much work I'm putting into this, BUT some groups are doing analyses of simple surveys or case study interviews, yet my 5 "colleagues" and I have spent the last five months entering over 21,000 data values into the stupid statistical software, recoded variables, and ran more than our fair share of statistical tests (specifically, RMANOVA for any stats nerds who may be reading this!). It's just A WHOLE LOT...more than seems manageable now. Best (insert sarcasm here) part of all: We only have only found 3 variables to be statistically significant over the last two months, and only ~10% of our project needs to be finished. The irony of this all, is that one variable that has seen improvement in the kiddos with the implemented treatment is a decrease in "inattention/distractibility". I pray that I could be more like those kiddos because I CONSTANTLY feel distracted; I have NO CLUE what has gotten into me this semester. I feel like I am quite busy with school, but not more than usual. Night class has truly put a damper on my involvement with Bible study/fellowship at church and it's really starting to bother me. I wish that I could change my schedule and be more focused, but I just don't know what I could do to change that now.
Also, T- 6 weeks until I start working like a semi-real person!

.weird.

I suppose I have most recently come to a conclusion: I am quite weird. And so are my friends. But I wouldn't have it any other way because "what makes you different, makes you beautiful!" When hanging out with a dear friend and her new boyfriend over the weekend, she was worried that we would think her boyfriend was "too weird". When we all met up, I realized that he is a PERFECT fit to our group of friends, even though he is the only one not from camp. I have realized that I've been able to gravitate toward my camp friends so much this year, because they are the ones who are most accepting of "being different". I'd never thought of myself as exceptionally weird/quirky before UNTIL last night. But I am SO happy with those people because we're all so unique and we're all completely okay with that! There is no trying to impress anyone and I've realized that I am most comfortable with these people and there is no thinking about what others think of me.
I've also come to accept the fact that even though we are all so different in our own ways, we really are just plain WEIRD. For some reason, we thought it was just definitely alright to start talking about using condom catheters in the middle of dinner in a public restaurant. This has only made me a little more anxious about moving to Columbus and trying to find people to socialize with for 3 months...UNTIL the sermon this morning. In the Bible it says "Do not worry" 366 different times; one for each day of the year (and one for leap year). SUCH a good comfort to the weird unknown....

.handprints.

I feel like every kids grows up with some huge crazy dream, but the reality of this is that very few of those dreams are actually fulfilled. I mean, 15 years ago, I REALLY thought I wanted to be a marine biologist who on the side played piano, ran a summer camp, and trained dolphins (that may have been exaggerated a little, but at one point I did want all of the above mentioned jobs). Dreams change...and that's a good thing in some parts, because I'd never want to do any of those jobs now. However, as of today, I think I have a new dream. There's always a good chance that now I actually say I want to do it, that it will never happen (oh irony!), but after today's fieldwork session, I REALLY REALLY want to do it. :) So, I'm doing fieldwork at a day center/workshop for adults with developmental disabilities and our OT project is to create meaningful activities for the clients to do when there are no work tasks to be done. I came up with the brilliant idea to do hand print/hand painted artwork and/or cards for the sponsors. The director of the facility LOOOOOOOVED it, so we're up and running with this idea and have even laid out what designs we want to do on 2 large canvases to be auctioned off at the facility's upcoming bowling fundraiser. One of them is going to be a huge hand outline filled in with a handprint from the clients who go to the facility. The other canvas is going to be a tree, flowers, sun and clouds, all made out of handprints and fingerprints. I'm basically SOOOOOOOO pumped, which makes me draw the following conclusion:
Someday, I want to own a day center for adults with disabilities where we do crafts and activities all day long that can be sold in the local stores in the community.

.chocolate covered strawberries.

The last 36 hours have been a little crazy. I feel like every time I'm on campus I'm running around with my head cut off....trying to be a grown up, but unwilling to accept everything that comes with it. We had a meeting today about how to get our last set of loans and how to start paying them back. Yesterday I had to order tickets for my GRAD SCHOOL graduation in October. Yesterday I made my first legit wrist splint. Today I sent in my official application/registration to speak at a Midwestern OT conference. I just realized I have 41 days until I start working as a non-paid OT. I met with my advisor today to plan out my goals for my fieldwork placements, which include studying for my board exam and starting a job search.

Despite the craziness of my life, there are always the moments that remind me that there is so much more to life than school, jobs, money and research. Yesterday I came home from school to a surprise box of chocolate covered strawberries from "my Valentine" for lack of a cuter term. Today I got a text message from a very dear friend (who has been healthy from leukemia for 11 years) that she has cancer AGAIN. Knowing her testimony and her story from her last battle with cancer makes me know that she is strong enough to win this battle again, but I know it will not be an easy road for her and her family. It's so easy for me to overlook the importance of intentional, God-inspired relationships AND the blessings of friendship and get caught up in the daily things of this world. But that's not really what I want in life. I pray that I am able to stop worrying about the future and start praising Him for everything He is taking me through now, and where he will take me in the future.

.fifty percent.

It's official. I have hit freak out mode...and I'm not sure that there is any turning back from this point. EEK! After this week, I'm fifty percent of the way done with my last semester of real classes. With 6 weeks of class left until I am moving to Ohio, starting my REAL LIFE clinicals (actually seeing my own caseload!), and starting to look for jobs. SCARY! I had to write my goals for my six months of clinicals today and I about freaked out writing them, just thinking about how I'm SO close to being a "real person". And then at school there's the talk of people getting engaged, people moving in with their significant others (not me, just to clarify! haha), and WHOA, I don't know how I feel about growing up all of the sudden. Also, the more I dive further into my stupid research project, I realize that in less than 3 weeks, I'll be presenting at a legit OT conference where I will be one of 4 people in the whoooooooole place who fully understands all of the research we've done, regarding our emerging topic. Chances are, I might cry if someone asks me a hard question. :)

.disappeared.

Let me be honest here: I hope it's never in God's plan to move me to somewhere where it snows a lot (Michigan, Wisconsin, Minnesota, etc) because I just can't deal with this snow and ice junk very well. I think I would be a much happier person if I didn't deal with the snow. However, if it is in His plan, I guess I'll learn to deal with it.

Regardless, last week was slightly awesome, as I had 2 1/2 days off of school from the ice/snow storm that took over the world. I enjoy being inside, but after that period of being indoors soooo long, it was nice to leave. BUT WAIT....when it came time for Emily+roommates to go to school, 2/4 cars of our house were frozen to the ground. So after making it back to campus last Thursday, I spent the afternoon trying to pry my car and a roommate's car up from the ground. (Side note: This was after I'd spent 3 hours over last 48 hours breaking sheets of ice off my car and driveway). So, all 4 of us girls are chipping away at our driveway, when a neighbor literally pops out of NOWHERE! Craziness. He is able to get both of our cars out of the ice in ~20 minutes and then he helped us free our cars AND he cleared off 1/2 hour driveway in another 30 minutes! Just as my roommates and I were discussing how we wanted to clear off the last part of the driveway, we turn around and the neighbor was literally nowhere in sight! It was the weirdest thing, like he just disappeared! SUCH a God moment when I realized how much one man's time meant that we could all FINALLY drive our cars again and that we could all walk up our driveway (which is quite an accomplishment, given our previous track record of falls in the last week). SUCH a good, good God we serve!

.B key.

I seem to be fixated on the fact that 2011 is a year of unending changes. I suppose when every class continues to remind me that I'm less than 9 months away from being done with classes, needing to register for boards, and needing to look for real big girl jobs. On top of that, there is the whole dilemma of looking for jobs, picking a city to live in, and trying to start the rest of my life. I just had to write a 3 page reflection on "my strategies during fieldwork to prepare for the boards/being a real OT". During which, the 'B' key fell off of my laptop keyboard; it made me slightly excited for the day I get a paycheck and buy a new laptop. I mean, I've had this one for nearly 5 years (which I suppose is a long time in computer years), but I definitely am needing to start making money for real life...and a new laptop. Regardless, last night was much needed.
A dear friend (also, my boss from last summer) came and we had a girly dinner/sleepover night. It was SO great to spend time with her, hear about her life, and and talk about the future. Her contract with summer camp ends in December, so she (like myself) is looking for where God may be leading us in the future. And then, it's always good to have girl talk (about boys/crushes, obviously), cook delicious food (I now can make sweet potato fries!), AND crochet hats. Win. Such a good night, and just a good opportunity to actually talk about LIFE and love (and of course camp) with someone who knows what I'm going through right now AND who shares a heart for helping individuals with disabilities.
In other news, I'm done with 2 weeks of classes, 8 weeks to go. AND I'm sending out my first fieldwork letter this week....EEK!

.los cambios.

God has made it extremely apparent to me in the last few days that changes happen. Whether we like it or not, changes will happen...for the good and for the bad. Even when changes seem to be happening for the worst, He always has another plan in store for us. For example, I was very upset when the semester started because I have night class during my bible study/young adult ministry at my church...that was definitely not okay in my book. Last night I went to a dinner with friends from church where my Bible study leader announced that they were changing the structure of the young adult ministry, and Bible study would probably be switching nights. Super amazing news of the day. And during this dinner with my Bible study leader and her roommates (also beloved friends of mine) I realized how much I miss the sense of community. Seeing those three girls LIVE LIFE together in their apartment and to enjoy spending quality time together really makes me miss "the ol' days" when my roommate and I were like that. And it made me realize how much I'll even miss the small sense of "roommateness" that I have when I move to Columbus here in a couple months. Strangeness.
I also have come to the conclusions that: I have lost a lot of my Spanish skills since I haven't used it in years, I'll probably have osteoarthritis later in my life (especially my left shoulder), and changes are meant to happen.