.princess consuela bananahammock.

So it has been my roommate's goal to get me to watch all 10 seasons of Friends in the last 12 months. Yesterday we made it through the final two disks and I'm DONE! I absolutely love Phoebe's character, hence the awkward name for this post (if you have never seen Friends, I'm sure the title makes no sense to you). So yes, that's exciting and all to have seen every episode, but we were both in tears through the last one. I know, I know it's just a TV show and normally movies/TV don't really make me cry, but this was just sad. The last scene shows the cast standing in an empty apartment and all leaving their keys to the apartment on the counter. That basically just asks for tears. After watching this episode, we realized that we'd be doing the same thing as our beloved character friends in a matter of weeks. We'll be moving out of the glorious 2711 Lane and going our own ways...with our fair share of tears. My roommate will be getting married and I'll be moving with our other roommate into a new townhouse with two other girls. It will be the first time in my roommate and I's entire friendship that we'll be living in the same city, more than a 10 second walk from each other. I am incredibly thankful for what has become of the "random roommate assignment" in 2006, and quite frankly, without my roommate in my life, God would have had to make some other way to hold me down to Indianapolis, because I didn't want to stay here.
I suppose this post it rather pointless other than the fact that graduation-y sort of things are really starting to hit me. Yes, May 1 is a day we've been counting down to for FOREVER but it's really almost here. I suppose I will just end this post with a quote from the great C. S. Lewis.....

"There are better things ahead than any we leave behind."

.concert.

Okay...here comes the THIRD post in a row regarding music. Craziness. Tonight I went to a camp friend's senior composition recital. It was AWESOME! He had played me some of his piano and vocal music at camp over the summer, but hearing his music in a concert hall with wind ensembles/pianists/all sorts of people playing his own music. Basically, it blew my mind that I know someone who can write super awesome music. I love that God can make others' talents show in so many unique ways. And on top of that, spending time with two of my favorite camp guys just made me excited for May to get back to camp!!

.music.

So I have realized that this is the second post in a row that I'm writing about music. Well I feel that writing about music is a must right now, because my life is a little more complete. I saw Francesca Battistelli in concert tonight and it was fantastico! She was part of the Rock and Worship Road Tour, which was super awesome....minus the slightly bizarre Family Force 5. Can't say I'm a huge fan. Regardless, seeing MercyMe, Fee, Francesca, and David Crowder with wonderful people was well worth it. Despite all of the amazing music tonight, one thing stuck out more than anything. It was seeing one of my campers, who just happened to be sitting in the same section! He uses a power chair and requires a constant oxygen supply...but that kid can totally rock out to David Crowder. Seriously, seeing him head bang with the music was great, such an awesome awesome expression of worship. It made me super happy. :)
Also, tonight just made me more thankful that God has a plan for all of us. I LOVE concerts but there is no way that everyone could ever be that talented at music. I LOVE that God has created some people with such amazing talents that I could sit and listen to them sing all day. Really. Despite 8 years of piano lessons and 7 years of band, I have concluded that I am not really all that musical. I would never ever have the desire to continue playing/performing music....although I do enjoy the occasional rock-out session on the piano when I'm in Findlay. Although this post seems super random (and honestly, it is!) realizing that I'm not exactly a musical person has been important to me today. We had to pick new class electives for fall semester and I had mine down to two choices: a class about injuries common to hand-overuse in musicians and a class about AAC (Augmentative and Adaptive Communication). I basically just wanted to take the music class because the teacher is easy and I like music. However, something inside of me wanted to take the AAC class. So I did. Tonight confirmed that I honestly think that not being in a music-type class will be WAY more exciting for me than if I sat through it for 12 weeks. Music is NOT my thing, but I am so thankful that it is a God-given gift that so many other people can put to good use.

.radio.

I must start this post with a statement that I really like listening to Christian radio, however it seems like the two stations I always listen to are only capable of playing the same few dozen songs. Some of those songs drive me crazy these days, but there is the occasional one that just really sticks with me. This is the story of one of them.
So I had heard this song many times before and thought it was pretty nifty, and it was from a new band, so I thought that was cool too. But, God's timing is perfect and the song "Let the Waters Rise" by Mikeschair could NOT have been played at a better time. I just came off a week of Spring Break (which was much needed); I got a lot of stuff done once I got to my parent's house, but not nearly enough. The big kicker is that we have a neuroscience midterm on Thursday and last year only 1 person (of 50ish) passed it. So today (the last night of SB 2010) I spent in the classroom with 25+ classmates and our "beloved" (please note the sarcasm) professor for 2 hours reviewing for this test. Joy. After this review session, I was pretty frustrated and was about to have a panic attack after realizing I have to much to do. I was driving to the grocery (having food is a necessity!) and this song started playing on the radio. I was trying to collect my thoughts in the car and then I started focusing on the lyrics. This song is essentially the anthem of my heart. This semester has been challenging in all sorts of ways and this song just REALLY captures what I'm going through now and what so many people have gone through before. I just love love love that God can use so many ways (the Word, other people, lyrics/music, experiences) to remind that He never leaves our side. Here are the lyrics in case you haven't heard this song before...and if that is the case, you should go check it out on youtube or something :)

Let The Waters Rise, by Mikeschair

Don't know where to begin
It's like my world's caving in
And I tried but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here

Sometimes it's so hard to pray
You feel so far away
I am willing to go where You want me to
God I trust You

[Chorus]
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If you want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach

God You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

[Chorus]

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding on to You

God your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You

Good good stuff. Someday, when I get a free moment to run to the store, I will probably buy this CD...and listen to this song over and over again. :)

.dresses.

Let me start off with this: I think that spending very little time in my hometown, realizing that I'm weeks away from graduating with my bachelor's degree, and seeing all the changes going on around me is making me a reflective person. Being in my 20's is a time full of changes and I suppose this is the time to step it up and live life to the fullest....
So I'm laying here in my bed, staring at two dresses hanging from my closet. One is for my roommate's wedding in 10 weeks and the other is one I bought today for my undergraduate graduation on May 1 from UIndy. Quite frankly, I never thought I'd need either of these dresses. Three and a half years ago, I hated living in Indiana/being away from my family and my roommate and I had JUST become friends after living together for over a semester (gotta love the random roommate placements!). Even in the times between 2006 and 2010, I thought things would change ON MY TIME. ha. My roommate and I have had our fair share of annoyances/arguments, but she is one of my best friends with everything we've been through! I honestly wanted to go back to school in Ohio where I knew people because I hated being out of my comfort zone in Indianapolis.
Thank goodness those are things of the past. Being so close to graduation has made me realize how many ways my life has changed throughout college. There's the option of dwelling on all the negatives: some lost relationships with HS friends, some lost relationships with college friends, experiencing heartbreak, feeling lonely, and becoming more disconnected from things in Ohio. OR there is the realization that Indianapolis has changed my life in so many ways FOR GOOD: a newfound love and yearning to grow deeper with Him, doing life with other strong Christian women, camp!, and learning to be independent. The Creator has seen me through so much only in the last four years and all the changes that came with it...and I have no doubts that He has great plans for me for the next four years and beyond! Even when more people have come and gone in my life, stages of life have changed, and the NBCOTs have been passed (hopefully!), there is one thing that will NEVER EVER change. Him. That is the thought that has gotten me through so much in the last four years and will continue to help me persevere through whatever things come my way. I suppose I will just throw in some super awesome lyrics to conclude this post, because I can't even imagine how many times this song has been my prayer.....an excerpt from Chris Tomlin's Everlasting God:

"You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary"

.lights.

One of my friends has started his own website. It's a mixture of his thoughts applied to his faith and things he's been going through lately (similar to this, but his posts make him sound like a genius!) One thing that he wrote earlier this week has really stuck out with me. Although he is writing his blog to appeal to a population with a wide array of religious faiths, his blog posts have really been challenging me to think about the way I am living my life and how it reflects His will for my life. My friend wrote: "People around us should be able to determine we are striving for something bigger by the way we live every day. People should not have to be convinced that we are a loving individual.There should be evidence in our lives."
How powerful is that thought! When I read that line, I think I sat for a good ten minutes at the computer, JUST at those lines alone. Does what I do on a daily basis truly reflect the attitude of love? How do my actions represent my faith? I suppose I could say that those people who know me best (friends, roommates, family) would be most likely to say that my actions show my faith and love for others. BUT the real kicker is what I think people who DON'T know me well...what would they say? It's easy for me to love my family, friends, and Bible study girls....but what about the cashier at Walmart, the waiter at Enzo's, and that professor whose class you REALLY can't stand?!? Don't they deserve some lovin' too?! That is where I fall short. It's so easy for me to love those who already love me for the way I am, but are those people who don't know me seeing the same passion for people that I have with my closest friends?
So what kind of light am I being? Ideally, I think we'd all like to believe that we're like lights in a lighthouse....always doing their jobs, always on, and always leading people in the right direction. I know if I tried to describe my love and actions like that 24/7, I'd be lying. Could I be more similar to a Christmas tree light; always on when "the time is right" and appreciated because of other things I'm associated with? Sometimes I feel like I'm a flashlight...the lone reflection of Him in a vast room of darkness. Definitely a thought worth pondering because I know that I have yet to live a single day constantly being a strong light for Him, without fading.

I thank God for placing the sort of people in my life that challenge me in all sorts of ways to make me aware of how I am shining His light wherever I go.

.labels.

I suppose that this post stems from a reading assignment for class which means I was being productive AND reading for my classes which created this thought in my head, hence the post. I am still really caught up in the wonderfulness of my weekend at BW. It was seriously just loads of fun and the more I think about it, the more I realize how eye-opening it has been to become part of this "BW family".

This post stems from reading an article from the American Journal of OT from 1980. We were reading research about adults with ID (intellectual disability) but in this article, the author kept referring to the people as "mentally retarded adults". I was seriously getting mad at this article and I can't IMAGINE how people EVER thought it would be okay to label people like that, despite the fact that the article was written 30 years ago. Hmph. Not okay, especially after I had just come off of an awesome weekend. To outsiders, I'm sure almost all of our campers are stereotyped and judged because of the fact that they use a wheelchair or they don't speak fluently or they are unable to take care of themselves independently. Knowing that labels have been put on my camper friends is frustrating. It's unfortunate how our society gets so caught up making judgments based on the way someone looks or someone's abilities.

On the way home from camp I heard the song, 'Something to Say' by Matthew West. SO true. It only takes a few seconds to sit down with a camper before you realize that despite what they might look like, these adults are ready to ask you all about yourself and have a full conversation with you. Granted, some conversations are quite slow, but really to quote the song, "if you're living, if you're breathing, you've got something to say". I suppose its just really been on my heart recently after a conversation with one of my camper roommates today via Facebook stalker chat. After she asked me if I missed her yet (complete sarcasm, of course) and she started asking me about how I was feeling and if my back was okay after the weekend (side note: we all did a bazillion transfers over the weekend and basically we were all pretty sore by the time Sunday morning came). How could someone overlook a person who is so capable of caring, loving, talking, and joking?! Honestly, unless you knew who was on the other end of the Facebook chat, you would have had NO clue to the fact that the person has a disability.

I am ultimately thankful to the Creator once again for placing such a wonderful place in my life. I can't even begin to describe how I have been changed by the people I've met in the last 9 months. More so, I thank Him for giving me eyes for allowing me to love people the way He designed them. I suppose that it is blatantly obvious that I have a passion for working with individuals with disabilities and I think that is all I have to say about this post.

.peace.

So...I said I wouldn't start the whole obsessive computer/blog/Facebook thing again until my grades are better. They are in the process of getting better, but I just had to post about my weekend. Honestly, last week was probably the lowest of lows I've had in a long time. Basically, I went to class all day and then came home and studied all night until bed. Being surrounded by 51 other people going through the same stuff didn't make things any easier. By the time we reached Thursday (4 tests on one day), someone cried in every class we had. Woohoo for being in a class that's 90% female. ;) Regardless, by the time that day and week was over, all I needed was a sense of peace. I found that in two amazing places. Number one: in the Word. Although that seems obvious, it is SO easy for me to overlook that and turn to people and worldly things when my world comes crashing down. Honestly, there isn't a way I could have done this week without trusting in Him and staying focused on the Word. Number two: BW. It blows my mind to know that I barely knew this place a year ago. Even went I went for my interview over a year ago, I could feel "the magic of the woods" and see the beauty of His work. Thinking about going to camp was about the only thing getting me through my week. Since going home isn't really an option for my weekends, going to my summer home with my "camp family" is just as good. Being able to spend ~42 hours with some wonderful people was exactly what I needed.

I spent my weekend with 17 adults with cerebral palsy and a dozen staff members...in a BEAUTIFUL house. The Manor is nearly 100 years old and it's decorated BEAUTIFULLY and authentic to the time period inside. Being in there in one building all weekend with awesome people and some of my closest camp friends was AMAZING. What a cool cool thing to be sitting around a HUGE 20+ person dining room table with more than half of the people in wheelchairs. Just being able to look at all of the faces down the kitchen table and realize how blessed I am to be a part of something so great...that puts things into perspective. Granted, I probably spent close to 6 hours in the bathroom over the weekend, woke up multiple times every night to attend to campers' needs, my back is currently killing me from so many transfers, and I had two roommates who were moderate to maximum assist with just about every activity imaginable, I couldn't have asked for a better weekend. To be honest, I'm sure we looked crazy with people in wheelchairs outnumbering people walking around the building, but it was just SO incredibly fun. I absolutely loved spending time with my roommates for the weekend and quite frankly, it was so humbling to be able to serve them in every way, whether is was transferring them to their wheelchairs or helping with arts and crafts.

Basically what it comes down to is that I am SO thankful that God has given me a tangible way to find peace, happiness, and experience something as wonderful as BW. Striving ways to find peace are incredibly difficult in our busy-body society and I couldn't imagine how I could persevere through any struggles without the Word. And although I'm not extremely happy where I right now in life, I am thankful that God has given me encouragement through the Word and a place to consistently experience joy in my life.

.crumble.

Side note: I'm not a pity party sort of a person, but here is some major venting. Thought I should let you all know before you continue reading.

Ya know when your cookie crumbles into a million little pieces, and you're sad that you can't have it back? That is where I am. Broken and feeling like I'm drowning in a sea of stress/homework/struggles/projects.
Never have I ever felt like this before. Feeling rested and optimistic is a thing of the past and I don't know how things got to be this way. For the first time in my life, I am BEYOND struggling with academics-- it seems like I am understanding the concepts, but when it comes time to step up and take a quiz/test, I fall apart. Even when I am the slightest bit optimistic, everything seems to fall apart right in front of me. I don't know what to do and I want the "old me" back. Pronto. I'm praying that I will feel rejuvenated after a trip to camp this weekend--a place full of the BEST memories, although I'm afraid it will just put me further behind in my classes.

This is my final post until things start turning around; I'm going to try to use the Facebook/computer less until I can get things in gear.

.redefine.

With Valentines Day 2010, I would like to redefine the significance and change the cynical feelings I have towards this holiday. Honestly, it started off with a struggle. I found out that my "HS sweetheart" got engaged to a girl he's been dating 4 months...I know I am over him and that whole situation, but it still just feels SO weird. Just knowing that my first boyfriend, my first kiss, the only person I ever have seriously dated is getting married. It's hard to explain...I suppose I only feel this way because there was never any closure on the way things went down. It's just a mixture of shock/surprise/upset/weird....

Regardless, upon finding out this knowledge yesterday morning, I was able to turn to the EXACT same four people that I turned to four years ago when he dumped me, which leads me to my new definition of Valentine's Day. Being able to rely on the same handful of friends four years later--WHAT A BLESSING! They knew how torn down I was four years ago, and they were such encouraging to me yesterday, reminding me that the Lord has something so much better for me!
I know that Hallmark emphasizes Valentine's Day as a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife thing, but why not change this idea as a "Thank you for being a great friend and I really appreciate our friendship" day. I suppose since I haven't ever really had a true Valentine's Day "date", I can only appreciate this day as a day of thankfulness for true friends. On that note, I have to throw in Eccclesiastes 4:9-10: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

How cool is it that God has created us to be relational beings, not ONLY in the realm of dating/marriage? I feel that in especially in the last two years (and even more since camp) I have learned to thrive on intentional friendships with all sorts of people. Yesterday I spent Valentine's evening with the "single people" from our group of church friends. Let me tell you...what a blessing to be single! What a great group of single guys and girls waiting patiently on the Lord to put the "right one" in their life. Honestly, being in that group made me thankful to be single. How empowering it is to be with other single people who are all waiting patiently for a great guy/girl and NOT settling for anything less! Very encouraging to say the least :) So I suppose that the conclusion of Valentine's Day 2010 is that regardless of my relationship status, I think I will now use Valentines Day as an excuse to tell those around me, how much they truly mean to me; I know I wouldn't be the same without their support! <3